Mike Sturm

Even if you don’t sleep enough, have too many demands to juggle, and don’t eat right, doing this activity twice daily can help keep you going

Photo by Claudia Barbosa from Pexels

Like many working people today, I spread myself pretty thin. I only get 5–6 hours of sleep most days, and work a full-time job, while running 2 side-hustles, and being a husband and father to two young children. At times, it can seem overwhelming.

But a few years ago, I found a secret weapon — one that helps me stay energized, enthusiastic, and present — even on days when I’m put to the test. It’s less of a weapon, and more of a daily practice. This practice costs me basically nothing, takes very little effort to do, and provides noticeable results. On the days when I do it, I feel calmer, more rested, and ready to take on the day.

A warning before I talk about this practice: it’s deceptively simple, but can be frustrating if you expect too much while you’re doing it. So be patient as you start out, and don’t expect to have your world rocked immediately. Paradoxically, going into it without demands or expectations is the best way to make sure you get the most benefit out of it.

So…What is This Practice?!

There are a handful of variations and names for this practice, but essentially, it’s a form of meditation. However, unlike the kinds of mindfulness meditation that can seem exhausting, frustrating, and intimidating, this type of meditation is the opposite. It requires almost no effort, and the goal is not enlightenment. Rather, the goal is to provide your mind and body with a dose of deep relaxation and stress relief, and prepare you to handle the inevitable demands of your day.

The roots of this practice go back to the beginning of meditation techniques, to writings called the Vedas. They’re the same source that gave us yoga as we know it today. Ideally, you make time to do it twice per day: not long after you wake up, and then again some time in the afternoon or evening.

You can do this meditation anywhere that you can sit and keep your eyes closed for 10–20 minutes. I have done it on a plane during boarding and takeoff, on a bus, at home on a chair, and in the office when I had 15 minutes between calls or meetings. It really is like a secret weapon you can use almost anywhere.

Here are the steps to doing it.

The Steps

Unlike other meditation, you don’t need to sit in the lotus position, on a cushion, or with any accessories. The practice works well in a chair, on a couch, or anywhere that you can sit comfortably.

As long as you have 10–20 minutes (but no more than 20), you can get the full benefit of this practice. Try to do it twice daily — once when you wake up, and once in the afternoon or evening. But even doing it once per day is better than nothing, and will provide you some noticeable benefits.

1. Sit comfortably and close your eyes, and set a timer for 10–20 minutes — however long you have for meditating. Take a deep breath. Pull the breath in through your belly until it is full, then pull a little more in through your chest. Then exhale through your mouth. Do this 3 times.
2. Release any tension in your body. Spend about 10–15 seconds scanning your body for any muscles that are tensed or flexed. Simply let them go slack and feel a bit of relaxation as you do it. This will feel really good.
3. While relaxing, repeat a mantra silently in your mind. The mantra doesn’t matter much, and “Om” is a good one to start with. Make sure it’s not a word, but more of a sound that doesn’t mean anything in particular to you. Repeat the mantra in your head as if you’re hearing it in the room next to you, through thin walls. It’s not loud, but you can hear it, and it keeps pulsing, like the slow beat of a slow dance song.
4. When your mind wanders away from hearing the mantra (which it will), simply come back to hearing the mantra in your mind — as laid out in step 3.
5. When your timer goes off, keep your eyes closed, and stop hearing the mantra in your head. Just be in the moment, and feel the sensations of your body as you remain still for about 10 seconds.
6. Take a deep breath in, stretch, get up, and go about the rest of your day.

A Few Pieces of Advice

Your mind will wander away from the mantra; it’s practically guaranteed. Don’t fret. The goal is not to focus on the mantra, it is to let your body relax, and get your mind to a deeper state close to that of sleep. In fact, there may be times when you lose track of time, and experience things kind of like dreams. This is perfectly normal, and a sign of your body becoming deeply relaxed.

Some sessions may seem long, others short. Some sessions may be deeply refreshing after you finish, others may feel less so. During some sessions may find you losing track of the mantra many, many times. Don’t fret about any of this. Pretty much anything that happens while you sit, your mind and body will use that time to release stress and recharge to some degree, and that’s always helpful.

If you miss a session here and there, or even if you stop for months at a time, no worries. Just pick up the practice again where you left off. There’s not getting rusty, or anything like that. Remember, you’re just allowing your mind and body to rest in a deep and helpful way. There’s no need to strive for anything else other than just fitting the time in when you can.

In essence, giving your mind and body this 10–20 minutes regularly to decompress and destress is immensely helpful. When you do the practice regularly, you should start feeling less stressed (physically and mentally) throughout the day.

Photo by Cam Adams on Unsplash

We crave the certainty of a formulaic approach to personal growth, but in many cases, it serves to hurt more than it helps

There is something wrong with the way that many of us approach personal growth, and it has everything to do with ignoring a basic principle of life: certainty is an illusion; almost nothing is guaranteed.

The fact of the matter is, while tomorrow may be very likely, it’s never certain. You could die tonight — whether as a result of your own actions, or through events that you couldn’t have foreseen. It happens to people every day around the world.

In the backs of our minds, we all feel this uncertainty. And yet, we fight — and fight hard — to obtain certainty and guarantees.

We strive for tips, tricks, routines, and hacks that promise to get us the results we desire. We buy apps, tools, books, and services that we hope will deliver certain changes in our lives. We want the simple guide that lays out the 3 or 4 steps that will guarantee a given outcome.

But that simple guide doesn’t exist. There are no guarantees — as hard as we might try to get them.

Our approach to self-improvement is flawed in two ways — how we approach the process, and how we measure our progress:

1. We pursue formulaic approaches to growth that treat growth as if it’s guaranteed — so long as we follow a certain formula.
2. The way we measure self-improvement demands a feeling of psychological certainty.

Flaw 1: Formulaic Certainty

As someone who has written about self-improvement for a while, I look back on my work and the work of others and find it skews quite a bit on the side of pursuing certainty. A lot of it is in the form of a formula, or recipe:

if you do X and Y, then Z is the certain result

But what I’ve found is that there is no such recipe or formula. You may do X and Y, bu Z is not a certain result. It’s possible — maybe even probable— but not certain. You may do all of the things that the experts tell you to do, but the results still don’t come — or not in the way you’re expecting.

And when that happens — when things don’t shake out as the self-improvement formula seemed to promise — there’s all sorts of Monday-morning quarterbacking that self-improvement “experts” can do in order to defend their positions and theories. In many cases, it involves insisting that the person in question didn’t follow the formula exactly — so it’s their fault. I think that’s insincere and wrong-headed. We need to acknowledge that when it comes to the quest of self-improvement, our methods simply don’t guarantee certainty.

Why is this? Because we still lack so much knowledge. Even if a given method is based on the most up-to-date science, said science still doesn’t provide certainty. There is still room for error, and there are still unanswered questions. Read any scientific journal articles, and you will be hard-pressed to find absolutes. There are outliers in every study, and even if there aren’t, the sample sizes and sets of controls are not large enough to accommodate the numerous variables present in the real world and life as a whole.

Flaw 2: Certainty as a Metric

When we make investments in improving ourselves, we look for ways to measure how well those investments have panned out. We want metrics — simple and clear-cut ones. But it’s important to pick the right ones, otherwise, we can get discouraged quickly and give up on our self-improvement experiments.

Sometimes those metrics are simple, clear numbers: income increase, weight loss, job offers received, certifications and awards obtained, etc. Other times, though, the improvement we’re after is more qualitative. The bigger and more long-term the improvement you’re chasing, the less you’re often able to use simple metrics to evaluate short-term progress. You have to go by how things feel — which to some people is difficult to measure and evaluate.

There’s nothing wrong with navigating by feel. In fact in many cases, feelings can be one of the best indicators of how things are going. The problem comes in when we pick certain feelings to use as metrics for how our self-improvement process is going.

In may cases, we ask ourselves how certain we feel that things will pan out — and we use that feeling as a metric. If we feel pretty certain, we asses our growth positively. If uncertainty abounds, we tend to think that we’re not improving — that the tools & methods are not working for us. And that’s a mistake.

Perhaps a certain amount of this yearning for certainty is unavoidable. After all, uncertainty invokes a stress response in humans, so our default position is to either resolve the uncertainty or retreat from it. Part of our picture of what it feels like to become a better person is feeling better. So when we are able to avoid or resolve uncertainty, it makes us feel like we’re doing better — even if we’re not.

What we need to do, then, is to push ourselves to live with uncertainty, and use it in a constructive way on our journey of personal growth.

The Metric Of Uncertainty

The fact of the matter is that uncertainty is always in play, and the further along in the self-improvement journey you are (i.e., the bigger, more complex, and riskier your ventures are), the more uncertain things will be. The more you grow, the more uncertainty, risk, and emotional roller-coaster riding there is. So chasing after certainty is actually a terrible way to approach growth. You need to embrace uncertainty.

The metric for measuring personal growth systems, then, isn’t how certain you are to succeed as you go along. It’s how well you can accept and navigate the inevitable uncertainty. The less the uncertainty deters you in your journey, the more you’ve grown.

Growing means taking on new ventures, and all the uncertainty that comes with them. At the outset, you should be uncomfortable with all the new uncertainty as you start new ventures; it’s part of the process. But your progression will bring you a level of comfort with the uncertainty, and thus progress. After a while, the process becomes clear: venture into new territory, acknowledge the discomfort of the uncertainty, continue on through the uncertainty, evaluate your progress based on how you’ve been able to become okay with that uncertainty.

Becoming okay with this uncertainty requires inner strength, and that will develop as you go along. There are many methods for doing this. Most involve some sort of spiritual practice — be it mindfulness practice, prayer, yoga, energy work, or a mixture of all of these. The one that is right for you can really only be discovered through experimentation. But once you discover it, you will know. You will approach the inevitable discomfort and uncertainty of your journey with a tool that helps you become okay with it — rather than obsessing over how to get rid of it through formulas and guarantees. From there, not even the sky is the limit.

On what it will take to finally become the vibrant, unified nation that we’ve always know we can be

Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash

Dear Brothers and Sisters of the United States of America,

For so long, we pretended that things were fine when they were not.

Some of us believed that amends had been made, and that we existed as part of a steady march of progress — a rising tide that lifted all boats. Some of us knew that the tide — while certainly lifting some boats— continued to destroy so many ships that never had a chance against the turbulent sea. Some of us thought that however much things fell short of what we knew in our hearts to be just, perhaps this was the best we could do for now. We kept on with our lives, perhaps some distant glimmer of hope in our hearts.

But we’ve been shaken awake from our slumbering state — shaken awake by tragedy — again. The tragedy, unlike other tragedies, is neither rare nor unexpected. In fact what makes it tragic is that it is neither. But our mental state at the moment is such that this particular iteration of a recurring tragedy has awoken some of us that were previously content to settle back into slumber.

Tragedies happen all the time. And a people can either wallow in them or use them to become better. That is what separates a resilient people from a dying one.

But in order to be a resilient people, we have to first be a people — as in a singular, united people. And while perhaps some in this country have walked along believing that we are indeed one people, enough of us have not acted in that way — which means that we are not, as of yet, one people. There are distinctions and differences in us which — if praised and glorified — could be the foundation of a diverse, vibrant, and unified people. Instead, they have served as the basis of fear and division.

But now is our chance. It’s our chance to become one people — or at least take the biggest step in five decades toward becoming one people, and to proving that as a people, we are resilient.

As anyone in management will tell you, it’s those with the authority and power who bear the responsibility for bringing people together. Grievances dismissed are grievances left to fester. They are cracks in the foundation — waiting to let in water to tear apart any hope of a unified team. The same is true within a nation. Those with authority, those with power, those who have been at the helm for centuries — the onus is on them.

Anyone in management can also tell you that it sometimes hurts to hear when you have allowed things to fall apart. But the more it hurts, the more intently you must listen — the more you must ask questions with the intent to understand. And when you finally do understand, let that understanding turn into action — action aimed at both making things right, and cultivating unity. And if you cannot do that, then find someone else who can, and step aside to let them do it.

I am not sure why, but I have faith. Though we are not yet one people, I can sense that we have a deep desire to be. Yes, some have denied this desire, and resisted it — trying to force shortsighted divisions and distractions upon the rest of us. But the desire has never gone away. I think we’ve had this desire for a long time, and I think that now is the time to make it into reality. This is the time to become the unified, resilient people we know we can be.

It hasn’t been easy to love you, America, but I do. I love you because I have seen you. And though I have at many moments seen the worst of you, I have also seen glimmers of the best of you, of what I know you can be — often in the most unexpected places. I’ve seen you on the street corners, in the mosques, community centers, at the borders, in the neglected neighborhoods, and sitting on the front porch on hot summer days. I’ve seen you do great things — small, seemingly mundane things that nearly blinded me with their grace and good will. I’ve seen your heart and soul. And that has helped me keep on loving you. It’s helped me keep my faith.

So, to the nation I love so dearly, but in such a fraught and complicated way: I’m here for you. I love you. It’s love, but it’s a tough love. No more leniency. No more enabling. We’ll get through this, but not without you finally dropping the B.S., and living up to your potential.

No more excuses. The work will be hard, and you may want to give up at times, but don’t. It will be worth it. And when this is all over, we’ll be the resilient people that I know we can be.

Photo by Aziz Acharki on Unsplash

These two Japanese concepts shed a new light on how inspiration and creative thinking work

To live life creatively, you need inspiration. But don’t let the name fool you. This isn’t the inspiration we’re used to hearing about. It’s not the gift of a muse. It’s not an elusive, temporary magic. Inspiration is everywhere. It’s not a matter of it coming to you, but rather your awareness that it is already here.

Inspiration is merely stimulation by a creative energy or urge. When you’re inspired, you feel the desire, combined with the feeling of power to make something happen. We often experience inspiration as though it came out of nowhere — from outside.

We train ourselves to think that inspiration somehow lives outside of us — that it resides in the world and not within us. This notion is a bit absurd when considered carefully. A simple thought experiment can illustrate that.

Where Does Inspiration Come From?

Think of a time you’ve been inspired from seemingly out of nowhere. It might have been while you were walking on a forest path, washing the dishes, or taking a shower. You were simply going about your business, and then (boom!) an idea came to you.

But if it came to you, where did it come from? From the trees in the forest? Was it hiding in the bark of the pines and firs, mixed in with sap and cellulose? Was the inspiration locked in the dishwater, when you finally scrubbed it loose? Did it waft up to your nose from the sink while you breathed it in? Perhaps there was a bit of inspiration clinging to your showerhead, and when you stepped under it, it ran down your hair and somehow got into your soul.

The point of this exercise is to illustrate how ridiculous it is to think that inspiration comes from anywhere but within you. Inspiration isn’t hiding out there waiting to be discovered. It resides inside us. We need only be receptive to it.

This receptivity is the key. When we are able to relax and be in the moment, we become receptive. We experience the world in a more robust way when we pay attention to the things stirring within us. We can also be more mindful of how things influence us, which is really how inspiration happens. Yes, objects in the world may affect us, but the inspiration is inside of us.

We cannot afford to live with the misguided notion that everything worthwhile comes from the world around us. We build the expectation that we will be entertained by others, exhilarated by stimulus or events external to us. And all it does is weaken our own potential to be inspired and create. Inspiration is here now, in every moment.

There is no moment that has more potential in it than any other, it’s just that we only see this potential when we are looking for it. This is why creativity needs to be understood in the right context. Part of being creative is toeing the line between having a pre-existing vision, but also allowing this vision to be shaped by what you experience.

Inspiration comes from allowing moments to work their magic on you. But these moments won’t leave any lasting marks on you if you’re not open, if you’re not receptive, or if your judgements blind you to the potential in each moment.

Ichigo Ichie: This Magic Moment

Sometimes translated as “for this time only,” the concept of ichigo ichie comes from the tradition of the Japanese tea ceremony and is attributed to tea master Lu Yu. The phrase is an invitation to approach each moment with reverence, aware of its undeniable value and fleeting nature.

This precise moment— wherever you are, whomever you’re with and whatever the circumstances, will never occur again. The experience you’re having right now is utterly unique. There is always the possibility of gaining something new, of learning, of growing — as a result of being fully present in this moment.

This isn’t a controversial idea, and it meshes with even a scientific understanding of the universe. After all, think of all the molecules, cells, thoughts, and feelings that make up each moment. It’s hard to argue that everything in this moment has been arranged in exactly this way once before.

Despite this, we spend a lot of energy behaving as if the opposite were true. We go about our lives in a blur of charging forward toward our plans, goals and bucket lists. We get tunnel vision. The time between plans and our desired future outcome becomes a blur. We stop acknowledging ichigo ichie.

We do this at our own peril. “Life happening” while we are making other plans, is the series of moments that make up a life–which greatly outnumber the plans we make and their desired outcomes. In his book Way of Tea: Reflections on a Life with Tea, Aaron Fisher invokes Master Lu Yu to point out the value of recognizing mere moments.

Lu Yu reminds us to “always sip tea as if it were life itself,” and I would go a step further and say it is life itself… We find in tea an ability to connect with the world and others. Tea changes our perception, simplifying and sanctifying moments we might have otherwise ignored.”

As any tea master will tell you, every cup of tea is different. What makes a good tea master is his or her ability to fully recognize and appreciate the uniqueness in each cup. When you leave behind the expectations we set for what cup initially was, and immersing ourselves in that unique sip of that unique cup, then we are adopting what Zen masters call shoshin, or “beginner’s mind.” Shoshin asks that we do not carry the baggage of expectations to each moment. That we begin to gain insight when we savor even the craziest of circumstances.

Shoshin: The Beginner’s Mind

The Zen master Shunryu Suzuki is credited as one of the first people to bring Zen to America, having founded the first Buddhist monastery outside of Asia. His book, Zen Mind, Beginner’s Mind, is a short, accessible, yet enlightening book about how a better state of mind is well within our reach. In his book, Suzuki talks about the concept of “beginner’s mind” as a state that is clean, fresh — unmarked by assumptions, experience, and the weight of judgment. In the book, he writes; “If your mind is empty, it is always ready for anything, it is open to everything. In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s mind there are few.”

The point Suzuki is trying to make is that we live our lives under the shadow of our accumulated beliefs and judgments. The more we think of ourselves as experts, the less room we leave ourselves to explore new ways of approaching ideas. We all have problems in our lives, and they all require some sort of solution. However, the more we think we know all the possibilities, the less likely we are to try something truly new. We’ll stick to our judgements and experiences, and we’ll likely get the same results.

Suzuki’s request is that we approach each moment without the baggage of the past or the future. If we can do that, we can realize the truth of ichigo ichie, and bask in the present moment. When we can ditch our experiential baggage, we can get rid of the influences that narrow our minds. It may sound counter-intuitive, but it is productive, attainable and lends itself to a fresh perspective. It’s about emptying your mind. Simply approach each situation as new and different. If possible, pay close attention, listen, feel. Sometimes, things become clear to you in those moments of stillness.

Adopting a beginner’s mind allows you to become more attuned to moments in a way that the expert mind can’t. In living this way, we collect handfuls of unique experiences. We allow ourselves to be shaped by them. We change. We grow. We become wiser. We maintain various imperfections, but we also have a path that we can appreciate having taken. We become wabi-sabi.

This piece is adapted from an excerpt of my book The Wabi-Sabi Way— available wherever books are sold. You can find more information about it here.

When everything feels overwhelming, focus on the ‘MVM’

Photo: Patrik Giardino/Getty Images

About 11 years ago, I got kicked out of graduate school, lost my job, ended a long-term relationship, and found myself in a new town where I didn’t know anyone. I was completely lost. Luckily, I began dating a woman and things got serious enough that we started talking about moving in together. She said she’d let me live in her apartment and contribute whatever rent money I could afford, under one condition: I had to be working to get my life back on track.

The problem was that I had no idea how I was going to tackle this enormous project. My problems seemed so big, so overwhelming. Where would I even begin?

That’s when I stumbled on an unlikely source of motivation. I decided to start running. I’m not sure what prompted me to do this — I had always dreaded running. As a kid, whenever we had to run the mile in gym class, I would stop to rest after every few hundred feet, convinced that my legs couldn’t continue any further. But for some reason, I went online and signed up for Couch to 5K, a program designed to help people who’ve never seriously run before prepare for a 5K race. The next day, I laced up my shoes and went out there.

At the beginning of the program, all I had to do was run for 60 seconds, then walk for 90 seconds, and repeat that for 20 minutes. It was dead simple — I barely even felt challenged. But I did feel accomplished. I mean, I did it. I did this thing. I moved a tiny bit forward despite feeling stuck.

https://forge.medium.com/all-you-need-are-a-few-small-wins-every-day-f1a6d2bf9fb3

That’s when I figured out the key to doing anything that feels daunting in your life: You must find the smallest thing that moves you toward a more difficult goal, while being both easy and pleasurable. The thing that will give you a rush of accomplishment when you complete it, and make you want to keep going the next day. I call this the MVM, the Minimum Viable Motivator.

What kept me from running all these years was that I never wanted to commit to finishing a race and then let myself down. When you consistently make promises to yourself that you don’t keep, you stop becoming motivated by goals because your brain has seen you bail on them time and time again. But focusing on the MVM gives you momentum because you can’t lose. When you complete your MVM, you feel a thrill that’s similar to the one you’d get if you had achieved your end goal. It’s not that your brain doesn’t know the difference between running for one minute and running a marathon, but the rush of meeting a commitment is not all that different in either case.

Here’s how to focus the MVM for any goal:

1. Take a big, daunting goal and break it up into smaller parts. Choose distinct and simple actions that, when put together, will build a desired habit. Make sure each action seems either easy or pleasurable enough to you that you won’t use, “It’s too hard” as an excuse not to do it. Your MVM might seem stupidly simple to you — for instance, if you are trying to build a reading habit, you might set a goal to read for five minutes straight.
2. Once you complete your MVM, you’re done, even if you think you could do a bit more. Save that enthusiasm; it will come in handy to keep you motivated tomorrow.
3. Celebrate! This is an important step. After achieving each MVM, act as if you have achieved the entire goal. You’re a runner! You’re a reader! After all, you’re not wrong; you took the necessary step today. Don’t cheat yourself by dwelling on the fact that there’s still more to do.
4. After a while, you can adjust the difficulty of the tasks, and build habits. If your MVMs seem to be getting too taxing, make them a bit easier for a while. The point is to outsmart yourself.

Eventually, I used MVMs to not only finish a 5K, but to turn my entire life around. I got back into grad school and earned my master’s degree. I found a career with opportunities for advancement. I wrote two books. I married the woman who helped me do all of it.

All of this happened because I found the minimum viable motivating action. No one climbs a mountain all at once. Getting to the summit is a matter of climbing a series of small rocky surfaces. The same is true of any big thing you’re trying to do. Whatever your thing is, whatever mountain you’re trying to climb, the MVM is your way to get there.

The important difference between the ways we convey our message to others

credit: Pete Souza/US Government

In 2009, Carlton Philadelphia was departing the White House staff after a 2-year stint — which began under president George W. Bush. As had become customary during the tenure of new president Barack Obama, departing staff were allowed to bring in their families on their last day, to see the White House and meet the president.

As part of the meet-and-greet with President Obama, Philadelphia advised the president that his young sons each had a question for him. His youngest son, 5 year-old Jacob, got right to his — as recounted in the New York Times:

“I want to know if my hair is just like yours,” he told Mr. Obama, so quietly that the president asked him to speak again.

Jacob did, and Mr. Obama replied, “Why don’t you touch it and see for yourself?” He lowered his head, level with Jacob, who hesitated.

“Touch it, dude!” Mr. Obama said.

As Jacob patted the presidential crown, Mr. Souza snapped.

“So, what do you think?” Mr. Obama asked.

“Yes, it does feel the same,” Jacob said.

Aside from being a cute story, Jacob’s encounter with the president highlights two important distinctions: knowing vs. feeling, and telling vs. showing.

Show and Tell

It is one thing for an adult to tell a child that he can be president one day. It is another thing for an adult that shares the same background as that child to tell him that he can be president one day. It is another thing entirely for an adult to be president in the presence of that child, and allow the child to confirm that, yes, their hair is the same.

Notice the exchange. The words were barely necessary. Jacob wasn’t asking Mr. Obama if he, a black child, could be president one day. He was merely asking if he could confirm what Obama’s mere presence in the room was purporting to show young Jacob Philadelphia: yes, you can be president — here’s proof. You and I are alike.

The entire exchange was one of showing, rather than telling. And what Jacob got from the exchange was a feeling — and one that transcends what even a paragraph’s worth of reassurances ever could. In that moment, surely, Jacob felt that he could, indeed, be president. Someone with the same hair as him was president — right there in front of him.

This difference between showing and telling is present every day in our lives. Our reassurances to others of our intentions, our plans, of who we are — they all have some value. But what we don’t say, and how we look and act when we’re not saying anything at all — that reveals much more than our words ever will.

Knowing and Feeling

The difference between showing and telling corresponds roughly with the difference between knowing and feeling.

When you are told something, you can, over time, come to know it. Knowing is largely an intellectual phenomenon. You can recite that knowledge on command, and you act with some confidence that whoever told you this thing also has a reasonable amount of confidence in it as well.

When you’re shown something, you experience it. You gain all of the ineffable information that you can’t get from a description — from telling. You gain the answers to questions that you never would have thought to ask in a mere discussion about the topic. You feel the things that you don’t even have words to put into questions and answers anyway.

Think of being next to someone as they die. If you’ve ever done that, it can’t be captured by a long description of what it’s like. You may feel something from a description, but not the same thing you feel when you’re there. If this weren’t the case — if telling was a substitute for showing — everyone could fully understand the mental complexities that war veterans face by just reading All Quiet on the Western Front or seeing Saving Private Ryan. But that’s not how it works.

What Jacob Philadelphia felt when he touched President Obama’s hair was something that no amount of telling could ever provide him. That’s because telling doesn’t usually convey feeling — not nearly as robustly as showing.

Why Does This Distinction Matter?

We encounter so many different occasions every day where this distinction is in play. We tell people things every day, and we’re told things every day. But how often do we show things? How often are we shown things?

Feelings last longer than knowledge. Knowledge can be forgotten, overruled, or fade away in importance. Feeling tends to stick. It’s why we remember tear-jerking scenes in movies, and why intimate moments between people are the cornerstones of our memories. It’s why we remember how we felt during a long speech, long after we’ve forgotten most of the content.

The more important we think it is for someone to know something, the more we should consider getting them to feel it. And thus, the more we should consider showing them, rather than merely telling them. Showing is about doing, not just saying. So the question becomes how effectively can you do things other than just talking about what you want someone to know?

Another key difference to note here is that when people merely know something, or just agree with what you tell them, all it’s good for is talking. When someone feels something, there’s usually action to follow. They are moved to act.

We tend to act based on what we feel, rather than what we’re told. Feelings drive us to take action; the verbal rationale follows afterward. It’s something that researches are find again and again.

So, when we interact with others, and we’d like them to at some point act on what we’re trying to convey — we have two choices: tell or show; get them to know, or get them to feel. Show and feel will win out pretty much every time.

What we miss when we get caught up in the realm of big ideas, big battles, and big personalities

Photo by Anne Nygård on Unsplash

There are some images that stick with you through the years — not because they’re the kind of thing that would make headlines or attract a large crowd — but because they’re simultaneously both simple and powerful.

This is the story of one such image.

When Is A Sandwich More Than A Sandwich?

A few years ago I was at a sandwich shop for lunch. I wasn’t going to eat there; I was just picking up lunch for myself and a co-worker to eat back at the office. The line for waiting to get your sandwich made happens to be right by where the tables are situated, such that you’re close to those who have already gotten their sandwiches, and are eating them.

I happened to already know what I wanted to get, and so rather than my attention being fixed upon the menu board, I was doing a bit of people watching. I noticed a man sitting alone at a table, with a freshly made sandwich.

He proceeded to unwrap the sandwich, and there was something about the way he was looking at it that made it impossible for me to look away. His manner was so delicate, so reverent. It was as if the sandwich was a 500 year-old painting wrapped in antique parchment paper.

When the man finished unwrapping his sandwich, he stopped and looked at it. It couldn’t have been more than 3 seconds, but the way he looked at it in that 3 seconds — it’s not the kind of look I had seen many times. It was a look simultaneously of gratitude, fulfillment, joyful anticipation, and wonder. He then picked up the sandwich with both hands, grinned ever-so slightly , closed his eyes, and took a bite.

This man was enjoying his sandwich in a way that I had seen very few people enjoy anything. It was truly something to behold.

When It’s a Microcosm of Everything

There was nothing in the mechanics of the situation that was special. There was a man, there was a sandwich. There was a bustling lunchtime rush crowd around us in the sandwich shop. There was the clamor of the thoughts all of the things everyone had to deal with the rest of the day.

But then — for this man — there was a break in all that action. He was notably…elsewhere. It’s hard to explain, but it was noticeable.

This incident persists in my mind because it taught me a lesson that I continue to carry with me. It’s something that I have been unknowingly experiencing from time to time throughout my life — and I suspect that you might have as well. The little things are the big things.

People may regard a sandwich as something little, inconsequential, not worth mentioning or really paying attention to. But a sandwich is only a sandwich if you allow it to be.

A sandwich — or more accurately, your relationship with a given sandwich — is a microcosm of all the relationships in the world. A sandwich represents the coordination of so much work between so many people, spanning so many miles. It represents something so sacred that we tend to overlook: cooperation and value creation.

When someone makes a sandwich for us, and we hunger for it, that whole transaction is sacred. It seems little, but it is actually immense. And it is when we forget this that we lose our connection to what binds us together.

This is About More Than Sandwiches

We are bombarded these days by so many seemingly big things, that it can be hard to bring ourselves back to the little things — like a sandwich. But we must do it; it’s our only hope of cultivating that sense of reverence for our own lives.

This piece of writing is about more than sandwiches, it’s about the fact that the things we think are little and inconsequential are actually huge. That man who looked at his sandwich for those 3 seconds, and caught my eye — in that moment, he understood this simple truth. For those 3 seconds, he was connecting with something over and above a mere meal. He was feeding more than his physical body. He was feeding his spirit — whatever you take that word to mean.

We are bombarded these days by so many seemingly big things, that it can be hard to bring ourselves back to the little things — like a sandwich. But we must do it; it’s our only hope of cultivating that sense of reverence for our own lives.

Continuing to focus on the big battles, big ideas, and big personalities on social media and in the news — that pulls us away from the sandwiches and cups of coffee that make up our lives. When we’re pulled away from those things, we’re pulled away from the building blocks of the simple and enjoyable parts of a life well-lived.

Choose To Stay Small

Every day, we’re given an implicit ultimatum: we can either connect deeply with what is in front of us or we can connect in a shallow and fleeting way with what is swirling out there. The choice should be clear, but we continually make the wrong one, and when we do, we suffer for it.

It’s not easy to connect deeply with the small things of our daily lives, like that man in my story did with his sandwich. But like everything, it comes with practice.

Luckily, the practice can be really, really rewarding. The next time you’re about to eat a sandwich, or enjoy a cup of coffee or tea, make it the focus. Turn off the computer, the television, or the audio. Take a loving look at the thing in front of you. Smell it, feel it, and imagine what it’s going to taste like. Then enjoy it.

By the way, this same practice can be done with people. When you’re about to have a conversation with someone, you can treat them like that sandwich or cup of coffee. You can stop, and drink in what they’re saying. You can listen to their voice — its tone, and its cadence.

More than anything, we need to remember that the biggest things are ultimately small. Those things that we can so easily overlook contain the profound and the important.

An exploration of the costs and benefits of believing in a little more…

Photo by Manyu Varma on Unsplash

I grew up Catholic. I went to Catholic school 5 days a week, church on Sunday. I was an altar boy.

By and large, I was Catholic because in Chicago in the 1980s and 90s, if you could scrape together the money for tuition, Catholic school was the better option. The faith was kind of a secondary concern. Perhaps tertiary — as the local Catholic school was also close enough for me to walk to with our older neighbor kids.

But for whatever reason, the mystical part of the faith appealed to me. The idea that I could be, or was, tied into something above or infinite — something beyond the normal explanation of the world and its workings — was appealing. When I prayed as a young boy, I did so in a way that felt like closing your eyes as you hit the apex of a jump on a trampoline — not like I was begging a deity for something. I felt something — something ineffable — but something beyond the everyday material stuff.

When my parents moved us out to the suburbs, I started going to public school. After that, I began to depart from religion in general, thinking that my increasingly scientific worldview left no room for it.

I began to consider anything that wasn’t spoken in the dry vocabulary of accepted popular science to be “mystical”. And surely a practical person like me had no time for mystical things.

Here’s the thing. The more I learn (especially about science), and the more I experience of life, the less I am inclined to dismiss the various forms of mysticism that pop up in the course of a life.

I think there is room for the mystical and magical in an intelligent worldview. If not only because our individual experiences make it reasonable for us to believe in something a bit more, but also because such beliefs can be beneficial to us. It’s not that we’re justified in believing an entire religious system or anything like that. It’s just that we’re justified in being both scientific and mystical at the same time — and it’s a good thing.

Why Do We Believe What We Do?

After being raised with a little bit of mysticism in my life, I left it behind in favor of a materialistic view of the world. But these days, I wonder about what that decision has cost me, and what it costs others. I gave up a belief in something magical and mysterious, so that…what?

So that I can claim to adhere more closely with the data from the most widely accepted scientific experiments?

So that I can believe myself to be doing a more rigorous intellectual examination of things than people who allow magic and mystery into their worlds?

What does that ultimately get me? What does it get anyone?

Let me be clear here: I’m a fan of the scientific method. I think it’s a great way (probably the best way) to try to explain reality. However, there are many things that we humans experience in our lives for which there is no full and complete scientific explanation forthcoming.

A scientific worldview requires that we be open to new data, and allow for that data to change our theories about how things work. Then, we need to test those theories, and adjust them as the evidence supports them or fails to. What it doesn’t require us to do is reject or try to explain away the validity of anything that doesn’t fit into the going theories.

This is especially true of our subjective experiences.

Two Paths of Explanation

Let’s say you’re alone in your home one night . You’re feeling down, kind of sad. All of the sudden, you feel comforted for some reason. You get a feeling that is the opposite of loneliness. It’s not that you think some other person is with you — just that you don’t feel alone anymore, and quite all of the sudden.

Furthermore, the feeling is familiar to you. It feels just like a feeling you used to have in the presence of your beloved, but deceased grandmother.

There are 2 ways to try to explain this experience:

• accept your feeling as you felt it OR
• try to use the current vocabulary of neuroscience, psychology, and biology to explain what exactly happened and reject any data that doesn’t seem to fit

What I am arguing is that there is no scientific reason to take the second approach. Science requires rigor. Rigor requires allowing all of the data available to be considered, and allowing that data to possibly influence the theory. Our subjective experiences — even subjective, mystical ones — are data points. To reject them because they don’t fit with the going theory isn’t scientific. So there’s no shame in having these experiences.

I’m not saying go tell everyone that you were visited by the ghost of a relative. That might be going too far. You do have enough evidence to say that you felt the presence of someone close to you who has died. But you don’t have enough evidence to make a sweeping claim about what happens to people after death. Those are two largely different beliefs.

All you have evidence for is that you felt a presence. It is small, but it isn’t nothing. It impacted you; you felt it. So explore it. You might find — as many people do — that exploring it can actually provide you with some benefits.

There’s no need to go further and classify what happened. Simply use it. The experience made you feel better, it made you feel connected and loved. Use that to enrich your day, and perhaps begin to enrich your life. Remain open to other experiences like it. Accept it like you’d accept another tool in your toolbox — until it doesn’t work anymore.

But Why?

I’m thinking about these things now because I’m not so sure of the value of intellectual rigor alone. There are zealots, fanatics, and dogmatists all over — both in religion and science. They are both dangerous to the prospect of a rich and varied individual life.

We can be intellectually rigorous while accepting elements of mystical experience into our lives. We can, and should, listen to the theories of religion and spiritual traditions as we listen to what’s published in the latest scientific journals.

We as individual humans are doing nothing more than trying to build a life based on what we see working for us. It does us no good to reject the things we experience because someone we don’t know has a theory that doesn’t have room for it.

It’s a thin line to walk, for sure. We don’t want to believe in delusions and oversimplified explanations of things. We also don’t want to eliminate any mysticism from our lives because we want to believe what the scientific cool kids believe. It’s not easy.

That’s open-mindedness for you, though. It’s a tightrope walk — dangerous, but exhilarating and rewarding. And you can’t have the exhilaration without the danger. They come as a packaged deal.

Examining how a worn out cliché might be helpful to us — just not in the way we might think

Photo by Jacob Jolibois on Unsplash

Throughout my life, I have consistently heard the phrase “everything happens for a reason”. Sometimes, it’s said because something bad happened, and it’s supposed to be comforting. Sometimes, it’s said because something good happened, as a way to affirm something more than blind luck. But what does the phrase really mean?

A Thought Experiment

Let’s say that I’m on my way to work to give a big presentation to a huge prospective client. It’s a big deal. On the way , I get a flat tire. It’s now clear that I’m going to be late. It’s now clear that the presentation that I need to be there for — to hopefully close the deal with a huge client — is in danger.

This client means a huge commission boost for me, which my family is really depending on. It also means gaining a lot of respect at work, for being able to bring on big clients and add value to the company. And this flat tire endangers all of that.

They say everything happens for a reason. But what reason could there be for this flat tire? If you believe that there is a plan here — attributable to a divine intelligence — how good a plan could that be? I had a much better plan, where I made it in time to the office so I could be calm, cool, and collected for the big presentation, land the client, and ride off into the sunset.

The 2 Kinds of Reasons

One way of interpreting the statement is that every effect has a cause. The cause is the reason — the explanation of what made that effect happen. So yes, everything does happen for a reason. But of course, that’s not what the phrase is intended to mean. A cause of an effect is a backward-looking reason. The phrase is talking about a forward-looking reason — a way that the effect fits into a story — your story.

In the flat tire case, there was a cause for the tire going flat. Something punctured the tire, causing the air to escape. But, of course, that’s a backward-looking reason. It just explains the local chain of events that made the tire go flat.

You could go further and say that the tire was punctured because a truck dropped a shard of metal on the road, and I was too distracted to see the shard and avoid it. But again, those are just backward-looking reasons.

The forward-looking reason, though, is what you could call the purpose for what happened. Some call it the meaning. It’s the bigger why, and it’s what has preoccupied many a thinker throughout the centuries. It’s the question that science tends to avoid — either because scientists don’t have the tools to figure it out, or because they regard it as unscientific to begin with.

Are There Forward-Looking Reasons?

In our lives, for any given situation in which we find ourselves, there are plenty of backward-looking reasons — explanations as to how we got where we are. But are there forward-looking reasons? Is there meaning and purpose? If so, where do we find it?

To go back to my thought experiment: I know how I ended up with a flat tire, and will be late for my big presentation. But why? What purpose does it serve?

Some say that forward-looking reasons come from an intelligence at work. They say that where we end up is part of a plan hatched by that divine intelligence. As resistant as scientifically-minded folks are to this idea, you have to give it some credit. It’s coherent and understandable — even if it asks us to believe in an intelligent planner we can’t see.

After all, if there is a forward-looking reason — a plan — the only place it could come from is an intelligence. Tires and shards of metal on the road don’t make plans. Science may someday reveal that they do, but it’s improbable given what we already know about them.

But just because it makes some sense to say that forward-looking reasons, and thus meaning, come from an intelligence doesn’t mean that it’s separate from our own intelligence. Just because forward-looking reasons involve a plan doesn’t mean that the plan had to be hatched in advance, by someone else.

This may read as convoluted, so let’s go back to my example to illustrate how this works.

How To Create Meaning

So there I am, on the side of the road, stranded and coming to grips with the fact that I’ll miss this big presentation. In a fit of despair, I ask what the purpose of this misfortune is.

But what if, rather than thinking that a plan and a purpose needs to be figured out in advance, I realize my power to create the purpose in real time?

Thinking quickly, I call the office. I tell them what’s happened, and I make some arrangements. Then I call the prospective client and tell her that I just ran over something and got a flat tire, but it’s not my disposition — nor is it my company’s — to let adversity dictate when we get results. So I ask that we proceed as normal, but I’ll be video conferencing in from the road. As soon as the presentation is done, I’ll quickly repair the tire, head in, and we’ll all head out to lunch.

Somewhere in there, I inserted the purpose, the plan, the meaning. I provided the forward-looking reason for the flat tire. The reason for my getting the flat tire at that time was so that I could illustrate in real time to a prospective client just how well our team can overcome unforeseen obstacles and still deliver for them.

An actual lived experience like that goes way further than a bullet point on a slide, explaining how dedicated a team is.

In case you missed it, there is a divine intelligence at work, providing the forward-looking reasons for why things happen. It’s yours. You provide the reason why things happen — you just do it in real time — rather than before-hand.

When bad things happen to you, you have the option to answer the question of why by using them for positive action in the present. It takes creativity and openness, but there are ways — you need only look for them.

So the next time someone says to you “well, everything happens for a reason,” you can nod knowingly — understanding what they mean, even if they don’t.

The Apeiron Blog — Big Questions, Made Simple.

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Lessons learned as a gigolo reflects on what went wrong

Photo by Johnny Cohen on Unsplash

I was listening to some music yesterday while working, when all of the sudden a recording of “Just A Gigolo/I Ain’t Got Nobody” by Louis Prima came on. If you’ve never heard the song before, take a listen — at least to the first verse. You may recognize the melody. It’s an American standard.

The first verse of the song features lyrics that made me think a little. Take a look at them:

I’m just a gigolo 
And everywhere I go
People know the part I’m playin’
Pay for every dance
Sellin’ each romance
Oh, what they sayin’?
There’ll come a day
And youth will pass away
What, what will they say about me?
When the end comes, I know
They’ll say “just a gigolo”, as
Life goes on without me

The song is a kind of cautionary tale about a man who has made a choice. He’s chosen one kind of life over another. He’s chosen a transactional life over a life of generosity — a life built around getting his share, rather than on just being generous.

He did things that others do for their own sake, and to connect with each other — dancing, romancing. But he did them as transactions. The value of those things, rather than in the acts themselves, existed only in what he got in exchange for them.

Sure, there was a time when this lifestyle he’s living had its perks. The money was rolling in, and the pleasures were — well — pleasurable, I’m sure. But as the years roll on, and the transactions continue, he begins to wonder about things. When he’s gone, what will his legacy be?

As it turns out, because each dance and each romance was simply a transaction, he failed to make any meaningful connections. When he’s gone, life will go on without him.

He got paid every dime he asked for, but all that got him was an empty feeling. The world paid him what he asked, and when he’s gone, they won’t owe him anything more. They’ll be just fine without him — because the transactions are done.

The same is true for us. When things become transactions for us — that is, when we stop doing them for their anything but money, social currency, notoriety, or whatever — we begin hollowing out our lives.

When we give with the expectation of repayment, and dwell on that, we cheapen things.

There are times when all of us become a bit transactional. We want the money, we want it upfront, and we’re not interested in much else. Or we want the notoriety, praise, or promotion. So our behavior and our thinking centers around that. And that’s okay from time to time.

But when we get more transactional, we stop being generous. We stop giving the benefit of the doubt; we withdraw inwardly — into our own obsession. That kind of withdrawal perpetuates more of the same. It’s a negative place to be. It sets us up to treat others — and ourselves — in less than generous ways. When we do that, we actually end up getting less in the long run. So we perceive that we need to fight tooth and nail for more, and it becomes our daily preoccupation.

The transactional existence makes us “just a gigolo.” Life goes on without us just fine.

Rather than putting our hand out to dance the night away with someone, we demand payment beforehand. Rather than relaxing into romance freely, we sell each romantic act, to ensure that we don’t get less than we give away. And trust me, people take notice. They will stop coming around. Fewer dances, fewer romances.

If you’re lucky enough to live to an old age and retire, as you look back on how you conducted yourself, it’s worth asking how generous you were. How much did you give without expectation of repayment? How much did you do that was for the good of the thing itself, or for others? The more there was, the more you’ll be remembered — because whatever you were paid wasn’t due to you demanding — it was given out of gratitude for your generosity.

Being generous doesn’t mean you don’t get compensated. It just means that you don’t make it the central motivation for what you do.

A tiny manifesto for those of us who fail every day

Photo by DESIGNECOLOGIST on Unsplash

Every day, I find myself doing things that I wish I hadn’t. I say things which, upon consideration, weren’t wise to say. I give in too quickly to anger. I fail to reach outside of my own head, and ruminate on worries, doubts, and preoccupations. The list goes on.

We all go through this. We all make mistakes, and we make them daily.

It’s tempting to view these mistakes as blemishes that build up on our lives, and keep them from being the perfect lives we desire. It’s tempting to view each mistake as a barrier to being who we want to become. But we can’t be so hard on ourselves. It’s the wrong way to look at things.

It’s entirely up to us what becomes of our mistakes. We can choose whether those mistakes remain negative, or become positive. Any mistake can serve as the basis for betterment. And when it does, that mistake becomes positive — because of what it produced.

When I was 19, I entered into a toxic relationship. It was only my second romantic relationship. I didn’t know any better. Staying in that relationship was a mistake — a big one. For over 5 years, I found myself slowly feeling worse about it — and making more and more mistakes that served to make my life more difficult.

The mistakes I made while in that relationship served to make my circumstances outside of the relationship worse and worse. Eventually, I made a particularly bad mistake that resulted in the end of that relationship — as well as forcing me to relocate, and basically start my life over again.

At the time, I felt hopeless. I felt like my mistakes would forever haunt me as barriers to the perfect life I had been trying to build.

By the grace of so many wise and helpful people I met along the way, I managed to meet while rebuilding, I learned about the magic mistakes. You see, all mistakes have this weird, magical property. Every mistake can turn into a positive thing as time goes on — so long as you sit down, fully address the weight of it, and — with determined effort and sincerity — learn from it.

In that way, mistakes are a complete source of fuel for improvement. Each mistake holds within it the diagnosis of what went wrong, instructions on how to get better, and the emotional fuel needed to work for improvement.

But that fuel is only available to us if we choose to use it. If we choose to regard mistakes as blemishes to hide and disregard, they will continue to get in the way of whatever life we’re trying to build. If we choose to use the magic of mistakes, they will — in virtue of the improvement they fuel — turn positive over time.

There is beauty and grace in the recovery from even the gravest of mistakes. The worse the mistake, the more there is to learn, to display true humility, to build character through making amends to others, to practice determined effort for good.

It may take a while — a lifetime in some cases — to turn really bad mistakes into positive parts of your life, but given enough time and sincere effort, it happens.

In closing, I’ll convey this simple adage: 
Each of us are only as good as how we recovered from, made amends for, and learned from our mistakes. So when you make a mistake today, take heart. Here’s your chance to become that much better.

Photo by Micah Tindell on Unsplash

If I would have heard Stephen King’s sage advice earlier, it would have changed how I felt about my own journey

For years, I beat myself up about not finding my “one thing” — my life’s path. So many books and articles I’ve read talk about how important it is to focus on that one magical thing, and really perfect it. But I’ve always struggled to find it — and I’ve continued to beat myself up for it.

I’ve worked different jobs in different sectors, I’ve made false starts into different career paths, and I always ended up feeling like I gave up too soon.

But then I heard some advice from Stephen King — the man who’s reliably put out bestselling books for decades.

King was giving a talk on creative writing to students at UMass Lowell. During the Q&A session a nervous student stepped up to the microphone in the audience and asked the award-winning author about how to develop as a writer.

The answer King gave was simple:

“You have to read a lot, and you have to write a lot…

That’s not surprising to hear. Of course you have to write and read a lot to be a writer. Those are the two things that a working writer does as part of the job description. But then King goes on to drop a much more interesting piece of advice — one that applies not just to writing, but to anything someone might want to do with their life.

…and you have to continue to get buzzed by what you’re doing….You have to really like what you’re doing.”

That’s it, the buzz. It’s a simple, but infinitely useful piece of advice. Find and follow the thing that gets you buzzed.

Let’s unpack what that means, shall we?

What is the “Buzz”?

The buzz that King is talking about is one of those things that can’t be adequately conveyed by words alone. If you’ve felt it, you know it.

Some people might use the word “passion” to attempt to describe it, but it’s different than that. It’s simpler. It doesn’t need to be some grand overarching mission or purpose. It’s just feeling both excited by and engaged with what you’re doing.

A buzz is also very private. Only you feel it, and it motivates you in a very specific way. You feel it when you encounter a problem that compels you to dig in and solve it. You feel it when you get pulled into a project with some messy details to sort through — and you get excited to roll up your sleeves and begin sorting through it.

And, more importantly, a buzz is also not something that comes from only one thing. A buzz is not a mission or passion, but rather an indicator you’re connecting to something — that you’re tapping into a deeper part of yourself.

In fact, a buzz is a gateway to finding that overarching mission or passion — the thing that you can call your life’s work. And after that, it can serve as a great gauge for how you’re doing in your professional journey.

If you’re feeling that buzz regularly, then you’re on the right track. If not, it’s time to to re-calibrate.

So, How do You Find Your Buzz?

Some people find their mission or life’s work early on, and their buzz comes from plugging away it. But for most of us, it doesn’t happen that way. For most of us, the buzz we feel is a helpful guide to finding our “main thing”. That’s why finding the buzz in whatever we’re doing is important.

Here’s an important point to remember: you can find something to get buzzed about no matter what your current job is.

You don’t need to be dramatic and quit your job in order to go on a journey and find your passion. Your journey can take place where you are now — no matter where that is. You can work on finding your passion by continuing to do whatever you’re doing — just doing it a little differently.

You don’t need to start a side-hustle to get buzzed (though you can if you’d like). At nearly any job, you can find something to get a little buzzed about. Like so many things, it’s mostly about slight changes to your mindset and approach.

Don’t be Work-Monogamous

Part of the journey of finding your life’s work is being open and experimentation.

Of course, you can’t let yourself get distracted by every little thing that comes your way. The name of the game is allowing for changes in your focus and enthusiasm. My focus and enthusiasm can get diverted by another opportunity that I get buzzed about. As long as it’s not a worthless opportunity — it’s okay to follow it.

Why think that you need to just find one thing to get buzzed about? Why can’t you get buzzed about a few things — even in the same day? You can. You should.

The trick to finding that buzz is to cast your net wide. Get involved in a lot of things, with a lot of people. Read about different subjects, take a shot at different projects or duties at your job — if they’re available. Roll up your sleeves and take on different kinds of work, to see what gives you a buzz. What you find might surprise you.

Keep your eyes and ears open — both on the job and off. Take on things outside your normal duties, if they seem to energize you.

Get a Mentor

Stay in touch with your manager. If your manager doesn’t seem to care about your personal development, work on finding a mentor. A mentor is someone who’s not your boss, but who you respect, and who can help guide you in your professional development.

A good mentor can be someone above you, or just someone within your company who seems to have a valuable point of view. They don’t need to be extremely successful or an expert on something. They merely need to be able to help you see things along your path that you don’t recognize, and be willing to spend time talking you through your journey.

The mentors I’ve had in my time have been huge contributors to whatever success I have achieved. And even the mentors that have guided me through jobs that I’ve left behind continue to leave their mark on how I approach other work — and life in general.

Drop Your Preconceived Notions

The most valuable lesson I’ve learned in my working life has been that you shouldn’t approach your career or any particular job with preconceived notions. Specifically, you shouldn’t come into a job thinking that only certain work will fulfill you, and that your career must follow a certain path and trajectory.

For a select few, that might work out. For the rest of us, all it will end up doing is disappointing and frustrating us. It will also keep your focus too narrow to spot other opportunities.

My own preconceived notions have let me down more often than not, and it was only when I was pushed to shake free of them that I was able to find “the buzz”.

I was 100% sure of my career path on no fewer than 4 occasions—and each time I admitted that I was mistaken has ended up making my experience that much better in the long run.

• I went off to college totally sure I was going to get my degree in illustration and work in that field. But I failed, and had to pivot.
• I worked in the retail nutrition industry, and learned a TON about supplements — so much that I was recruited by a competing company. But things changed.
• I got my B.A. and M.A. in philosophy, and taught at a college for nearly 5 years, 100% sure that it was my lifelong career path. Circumstances forced me to re-examine that plan.
• I signed on to a full-time gig doing customer service and purchasing work at an industrial company. I thought it would be just a paycheck. But I taught myself Excel, learned how to be a manager, and got recruited onto the national sales team. 10 years in, and the job continues to provide me with new opportunities and constructive challenges.

The point is, buzzes come from all over, and it’s best not to pretend you know where they’ll come from. Just stay open and stay agile.

Most Buzzes are Temporary

The thing about buzzes is that for the most part, they are temporary by nature. It’s partly because of you, and partly because of the nature of the work. You may get buzzed about something now, but after doing it for 3 months, it’s run its course.

You may find another thing that gets you buzzed, and feel like moving on. And that’s okay, too. The important thing is to stay open, and be willing to pivot. If you don’t, you can miss opportunities to try other things that can both add value to others’ work, and bring you valuable experience.

A great habit to get into is to regularly ask people in other areas of your company what they’re working on. Even if you have to listen to them complain about their projects and their boss, you can find out what else there is to work on. If you hear anything worth digging into, dig into it. You might just find yourself at the beginning of a new path—as a result of one conversation!

The Takeaway: Stay Open, Stay Curious

The Buzz is an indicator that you’re on the right track. But in order to be receptive to buzzes from all sorts of different things, you need only do two things: stay open and stay curious.

Don’t give way to pressure that tells you to find something now and stick to it. Find things to get buzzed about — follow that buzz — and see where it takes you. You may be surprised, and delighted, by where you end up.

How to use some weird, but effective tricks to more easily change established behaviors — both in yourself, and in others

Photo by Isaiah Rustad on Unsplash

Nearly every story of lasting success you’ll hear will have one thing in common: habits. Those who have achieved what they set out to achieve, and sustained that success, have managed to leverage the power of good habits.

But getting the right habits in place can seem like a huge task. After all, you’ve probably got enough going on right now that you don’t need to go building a bunch of good habits — on top of all your other responsibilities.

But luckily, you don’t need to build habits into your life; they’re already there. Nearly everything you do is part of a habit of some sort. It’s just that many habits are one’s we’d rather not have.

So there is no such thing as building a habit from the ground up. You’re simply changing one habit into another.

And changing habits is much easier than you might think — thanks to a little mechanism called the pattern interrupt. It allows you to take an existing undesirable habit, and begin transforming into a desirable one.

The good news is, it’s really simple.

1. Identify the unsavory habit you’d like to change.
2. Take note of the pattern of emotions, thoughts, and behavior happen as the habituated behavior escalates.
3. Early on as your bad habit begins to take its course, practice a pattern interrupt. Do this as often as you can for a given bad habit.

Identify the Habit You’d Like to Change

Almost everything we do in our lives is part of habituated behavior. From reactions, to recurring thought patters, to decision-making — it’s all habituated activity — playing out again and again, with slight variations.

Think of the last time you were short with someone — the last time you lost your cool in a way that you aren’t proud of. Was it a familiar feeling or a completely new one that took you by surprise? Chances are, it’s the former. You know how it feels when you lose your temper. We all do.

What about the last time you ate a whole pint of ice cream when you had resolved to work out? Did you recognize the pattern of thoughts and feelings that led up to that bad habit— such that you knew what it was as it was coming on?

This is where the pattern interrupt can help.

Using Pattern Interrupts to Change Habits

A pattern interrupt is a simple, weird action that you can take to upend habits or processes and change their course. In doing so, you create the opportunity for things to go differently than they usually do. Pattern interrupts make radical change possible and easier to achieve.

What Is a Pattern Interrupt?

I first learned of the concept of a pattern interrupt when I was at a sales training event. It dealt with how to keep prospective customers from hanging up on sales calls — no easy task.

The trainer said that more than 90% of sales calls begin the same way: “hello, my name is blah blah and I’m calling from blah blah company, how are you today?” Most of the time, that intro results in a hang-up or immediate disinterest on the part of the customer. People have been habituated to tune out of calls like that.

The trainer suggested trying a different , and weird, approach — something weird to throw off the habituated behavior. Say something like “Hey, this is blah blah, look, you probably weren’t expecting my call.”

Then pause and wait for a “yeah?”

Once you do that, there are a few different things you can say to swing the call in a more productive direction — which was part of the training. But the key is to interrupt the normal pattern right at the beginning.

It’s a bit weird, and kind of unexpected. But because it is both weird and unexpected, it tends to work. The weirdness interrupts the normal process. The habit is derailed for a few seconds — allowing for things to be changed.

Applying Pattern Interrupts to Your Habits

They key to using pattern interrupts to change habits is to figure out one that is just weird enough to work, but not so weird that you can’t bring yourself to do it when you need to.

A great example of a pattern interrupt that you can try yourself comes from the book The Power of Full Engagement. Jim Loehr and Tony Schwartz recount the advice they gave to a client who was being irritable and short-tempered with both his colleagues and family. He would quickly become critical and speak angrily with them.

Loehr and Scwhartz recommended the client write out the physical feelings that he noticed at times when he expressed his anger in unsavory ways. They suggested that the next time he felt those same feelings welling up during a tough time at work or at home, he interrupt the pattern. He should take pains to smile and take a deep belly breath, nod in acknowledgment, and say something like “I just need a little time to fully process this”.

This isn’t a set-in-stone pattern interrupt, but it has the necessary elements. It’s weird, it’s in stark contrast to what normally happens, and so it creates a bit of space and time — so that a new behavior can take place instead of the normal one.

What to do After the Interruption

Since losing our temper or speaking out of anger is something most of us do, you can try the example from Loehr and Schwartz in your own life.

My guess is that in the next day or two, you’ll feel rising frustration, and you’ll feel the urge to speak out in anger. Instead, try the pattern interrupt. Create some space for yourself, and take the situation in a positive direction.

Keep in mind, the goal of using a pattern interrupt is to create some space and imbalance in habituated behavior by disrupting the normal course of it. You are throwing off the normal way of things for a little bit — but you need to have a way to bring things to a positive place.

Using Pattern Interrupts on Others’ Behaviors

Pattern interrupts are also very useful with others. For those you interact with regularly, you can get a sense of when an interaction might go in a negative direction. Many of these bad interactions are habits of your relationship.

You can change those bad habits with pattern interrupts. Just be creative and open.

You can devise and insert pattern interrupts into your interactions with others, and bring in a more constructive suggestion. Each one will be different, in order to suit different relationships and situations. However, the formula will be the same:

• identify the point of the bad pattern where things tend to go in an undesirable direction — i.e., what emotions and thoughts are happening to drive undesirable behaviors
• create a weird and off-putting, but simple pattern interrupt (like smiling, nodding, and a deep breath) that you can insert to break up the normal course of the bad habit
• the next time the habit’s negative indicators begin playing out, insert the pattern interrupt

Pattern interrupts will feel weird and clunky at first, but that’s okay. Finding one that works for you and your specific habits will take some trial and error. But once you find one, and you find yourself becoming habituated to using it, it’s a great feeling.

Just remember, nearly everything in life is a habit. Change your habits, change your life. It’s almost magic.

Dealing with a lockdown in uncertain times is challenging, but if you approach it in the right way, you can use it as an opportunity for lasting self-improvement

Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

Depending on where you live, you may be in week 2 or week 10 of some kind of “shelter in place” order — which essentially means you need to stay at home unless going somewhere public is absolutely necessary. It may be this way for another month, or months. Nobody knows for sure. And it’s beginning to affect us all quite a bit.

It’s a potent mixture of cabin fever, hypochondria, and anxiety about the future.

Those of us with kids, they’re now more of a fixture at our homes than ever. More than that, we’re being told we must educate them, as well! Those of us with office jobs, we’re now managing the fun of every single meeting being a frustrating Skype or Zoom call. Some of us have been furloughed, laid off, or own a business that can’t re-open until….?

Any way you stack it, this is a uniquely crazy time.

So the question is — during these unprecedented times — how do we eke out an existence that we can be okay with? How can we essentially bring our entire lives indoors for…well, indefinitely? Can we do more than just stay sane? Can we, perhaps, use this weird circumstance to forge some personal growth?

I think, actually, we can. But we have to be nimble.

However You Feel, It’s Okay

The following paragraphs are simply some pieces of advice that I’ve found helpful during this time — from one reluctant homebody to another. They are what I suggest you do in order to remain in good spirits during challenging times. I can suggest things to do, but I can’t, and won’t suggest how you should feel. That’s not my place, nor is it anyone else’s.

To quote a reindeer from a recent film that you may find yourself watching during this mass quarantine: you feel what you feel, and those feelings are real. Don’t let yourself feel bad about feeling bad. Sadness, loneliness, grief, desperation, uncertainty — all of these feelings are okay to feel. Just be careful that you don’t let them dictate your actions. You can absolutely feel these heavy feelings, while still doing the next right thing for yourself.

Acknowledge your feelings — no matter how unwanted they are — and affirm to yourself that they are not who you are, and they need not dictate what you do. Remember that you can take action toward a goal, and not as a reaction to what you feel.

Feel — acknowledge — pause — breathe — then resolve to do something helpful for yourself or others.

And remember, if you’re locked down during this time with others, let them feel their feelings as well. We’re all going to process this weirdness in different ways. We need to allow each other to do that. But we also need to be there to listen to each other, and help each other process this. Listen, ask empathetic questions, and affirm that everyone’s feelings are valid — as we all work through a colorful array of them.

Adopt the Benigni Mindset

In the movie Life is Beautiful, the incomparable Roberto Benigni plays Guido Orefice, a Jewish bookshop owner in Italy who get sent to a concentration camp with his young son, Giosuè. Seeing that his very young son is initially scared, Guido explains to Giosuè that the camp is actually a complicated game in which he must perform the tasks Guido gives him. Each task is worth one point, and the first child with one thousand points wins a tank.

But if he cries, complains that he wants his mother, or says that he is hungry, he will lose points, while quiet boys who hide from the camp guards earn extra points. Giosuè is reluctant at times, but with his father’s insistence that they carry on, he does. I won’t spoil the ending, but the approach proved to be effective.

Adopting a similar approach might not be so crazy in our current situation.

To be clear, I’m not comparing sheltering in place to being in a concentration camp. That would be stupid. However, what I am saying is that like the young Giosuè, some of us are afraid or just unsettled — unsure what to do from day to day. And it is when we feel that way that the approach of Roberto Benigni’s character doesn’t seem too far out.

So, adopt a Benigni mindset. As much as possible, go on as you were before this dumpster fire happened. Don’t give into anxiety. Don’t treat this as different, grave, or serious within the confines of your own home. Accept the situation, but make what you can out of your new constraints. Like Guido, make it a game, get as many points as you can. Then get working on winning this thing.

Fake it Till You Make it…Out of This

Sponsors of recovering alcoholics and addicts have a saying: “fake it till you make it”. It means that even though you may feel like this new sober life is weird, and you feel like you’re heart’s not in it, and you don’t believe you’ll make it through — act like you know you can. Eventually, you will know you can. And you will.

Translate that to the current problem. Let’s say you got laid off. Don’t resort to spending the day in your pajamas, reading, and watching TV. Get up at the same time you did when you were working. Follow your normal morning routine. Then, where you normally had a block of work, insert a different productive activity.

Take one of the now free online courses (or 10!). Set out to learn a totally new skill that can get you a new job. While you’re at it, look for new jobs. Scour LinkedIn for folks you can connect with and chat about opportunities. Set up a list of people to email or call — just to check in. And treat it as work — meaning you sit down somewhere and focus on it and it alone. Take it seriously, and get it done.

Take breaks when you normally would. Do a lap around your place. Step outside for a few minutes to change your environment.

As much as possible, run your day like you would under normal circumstances. This alone will trick your mind into thinking that things are not so abnormal — and should reduce your stress a little.

The point is, in times like these, you may have to trick yourself into not spiraling into disarray, discouragement, and disengagement. Now, more than ever, we need to carry on as much as we can. We need to stay healthy — both physically, but perhaps more importantly, mentally and spiritually. We need to stay productive.

And there’s nothing more productive than working on yourself.

Get A Little Spiritual

Though you and yours might be safe from the raging pandemic, it’s unlikely that you won’t be touched in some way by its effects. The global economy, and all who play a part in it, will feel the effects of this thing for years to come. Many businesses will not recover, people will be forced to change careers, relocate, or build new lives altogether. For many, this is a time of existential upheaval.

Whatever your situation — be it a minor series of delays and setbacks or a full-fledged uprooting of your life as you know it — devote a little time to the deeper things. Get spiritual during this time of forced solitude.

Whatever your feelings about the terms spirituality, all I mean by it is an examination of and connection with your deeper values and purpose in life. They may rest upon an established path and practice. They may not. That is (and should remain) completely up to you.

But here is what is helpful about getting spiritual during these times. Spirituality is about getting out of your own head. It’s about moving beyond the moment-to-moment pleasure-seeking and self-pity that we all feel, and submitting to something greater. It is about pushing to be more than just today’s list of things to do or worry about. It’s about confirming and living for a purpose — whatever you deem that to be.

No matter your country, your ancestors used times of solitude in the centuries before you to cultivate spiritual depth in their lives. And each of their journeys looked a little different. Now is the time for you, too, to use that solitude to deepen and strengthen your sense of who you are — beyond the superficial things.

Don’t blast it out on social media, don’t make a big deal about it. Just explore what life beyond the superficial stuff means to you. Give it, at long last, the time it deserves. I could think of no better time to do that than right now.

Plan the First Thing You’ll Do When…

Many of us are saddened by the things we can’t do right now, and long for the days when we were free to do whatever. While your best bet is to focus on what you can do right now, it won’t hurt to build a little something to look forward to. Remember that like everything, this too shall pass — and think to yourself: what’s the first thing I want to do when it does?

Perhaps this whole thing has made you miss seeing your family in person. Perhaps you have a group of friends that used to get together for drinks, and you miss that. Perhaps you just miss going to a coffee shop and sitting at a table, people watching. Whatever it is, write it down on a sticky note and put it somewhere (perhaps a calendar — on a date in the future).

Whatever it is that you miss during this time of loneliness, write it down, and allow yourself to look forward to it. Don’t make it the center of your life right now. Don’t attach your well-being to it. Just allow it to be there as an added bonus to enjoy, once things start to build back to something like normality.

The bottom line is that there’s no operating manual for what we’re working through right now. We’re facing this generation’s version of widespread existential uncertainty. It is up to all of us to figure out how to process and work through it. That’s the work of being human.

As much as we are in this together, we’re also each on our own to make individual sense of our own journeys through this. As with anything else that confronts you in life, this will be what you make of it. Make this situation another set of ingredients for building a better rest of your life. Start now.

If you’ve ever tried to read more, but struggled to build the habit, it’s time to change the way you approach reading.

Photo by Seven Shooter on Unsplash

Would you like to be able to read more? Do you have a list of books you’d like to get to, but you’re struggling to just make it through the one on your nightstand? Do you find yourself putting off reading in favor of…well, everything else? Do you find yourself envious of those who talk about reading 50 or 100 books per year? Do you wish you could read more?

I have good news for you.

First of all, reading as much as some of the most prolific readers is within reach. Second of all, you’re thinking about reading the wrong way, and you’ll need to fix that before you do anything else.

What follows is a 4-part framework for reading more with less effort. Rather than teaching you how to push yourself to read more, it will change how you approach reading, so that you are pulled to read more.

Part 1: Get crystal clear about why you want to read

Part 2: Give yourself freedom

Part 3: Leverage the 4 different kinds of reading

Part 4: Embrace the idea of the anti-library

Disclaimer: This framework is for people who are looking to read more nonfiction. For the most part, fiction can only be enjoyed from beginning to end, and preferably with as much focus as possible. To that end, Part 1 will be useful to you, but that’s less true for parts 2–4.

Part 1: Get Crystal Clear About Why You Want to Read

A fairly common goal that people adopt is to read a certain amount of books in a year. Usually, there’s a lot of enthusiasm at the outset, but after a little while, the enthusiasm can tend to die out. They fall behind, and don’t achieve their goal. The culprit is usually an incomplete motivation.

What I mean by incomplete? Let’s say you set a goal to read 50 books this year. While it may be clear in your head that you want to have read more books by the end of the year, you’ve stopped short of clarifying why you want that. So when you hit the inevitable rough patch in your year, and momentum goes away, all you have left to motivate you is the goal to have read more books because…well, you set that goal! But that’s not much of a motivator.

In order for your reading goal to be motivating, you need to dig into why you want to read more in the first place. Do you want to simply be the kind of person who has read more books? Are you trying to catch up with someone you know who has read a lot? Those motivations will only push you so far for so long. You need a complete motivation.

A complete motivation is one that connects to a very meaningful and immediately felt desire. When it comes to reading, a complete motivation will come in two flavors: to learn about something specific or to be entertained.

If your core motivation for reading more is to learn certain things, then follow your curiosity and excitement where it leads you — regardless of if it’s in one book or not (more on that in the next section). If your core motivation is to be entertained, then read what entertains you, and stop reading what doesn’t. Don’t force yourself to read things that don’t hold your attention. And don’t feel bad about not reading the whole book!

Part 2: Give Yourself Freedom

Once you’ve got the proper motivation for reading more, it’s important not to fence yourself in. In fact, that’s why a great deal of resolutions to read more end up fizzling out. We don’t give ourselves the freedom to chase our excitement and curiosity.

Here are two helpful things to remember:

1. Books don’t care how you read them. You don’t have to read a book in order from front to back.
2. Books don’t have feelings. You’re not letting them down if you don’t finish them.

Read Like You Learn: In Your Own Way

For most books I read, I don’t pick them up and start at the very first page, reading every word until the very end. I believe that only fiction books and biographies are meant to be read in a certain order (and I’m not entirely sure about the latter, either). That has everything to do with the differences between the writer and the reader.

We all know (or don’t know) different things that are relevant to understanding the book in question. That knowledge base (or lack of it) may help you understand something in the middle of a book much better. From there, you can wander to the front portion of the book — placing markers for yourself at various points along the way.

You Don’t Have to Read the Whole Book Now

Finishing the book is never more important than reaching a deeper level of understanding of what you’re reading about.

Again, remember why you’re reading the book. You’re reading the book to get information — to learn something. Don’t let a single book dictate how or what you learn about something. And please don’t feel the need to finish the book now.

Finishing the book is never more important than reaching a deeper level of understanding of what you’re reading about. Please read that sentence again, because it’s important. Many of us still beat ourselves up for not finishing books. Enough of that.

Getting serious about learning means reaching outside the bounds of a single book. And don’t wait until you finish one book to search outside of that one book. Find terms, topics, citations, names, or theories within the book that pique your interest. Look them up, do some digging on them. Read two or three books or articles at a time. Follow your enthusiasm and curiosity. Connect the dots. That’s where the real learning happens — the kind that sticks, anyway.

As an example: You may get a book on quantum mechanics, but you aren’t looking to understand everything about the subject, just a certain portion of it. So for your present purposes, read the portion that gives you what you need then and there. Does that mean you should disregard the rest? For now, yes. Move to where your enthusiasm or interest moves you next.

Part 3: Leverage the 4 Different Kinds of Reading

Did you know there are 4 different kinds of reading? Knowing what they are, and how and when to use all 4 types is key to getting the most out of reading — and thus, to reading more.

Mortimer Adler — champion of the Great Books educational movement — wrote a book called (interestingly) How to Read a Book. In it, he proposed that there are 4 ways to read:

1. Elementary reading: the front-to-back method of reading we’re trained to do from when we’re children. Start at the beginning, and read every sentence until the end.
2. Inspectional Reading: sometimes misclassified as “skimming”. It’s a way to parse out information about the book and topics in it — both to decide on what is worth reading, and to gain an initial understanding of the topic for contextual purposes.
3. Analytical Reading: Deep, abiding reading, with frequent points of stopping and thinking, or jotting down notes in between pages and paragraphs.
4. Syntopical Reading: Beyond just reading a book, this is about reading for understanding of the greater point an author is making. Other books are brought in — differing opinions, related subject matter, etc. Reading in this way is about connections and holism. Many times, it can mean reading several books or articles at once — some of which are read only partially, to provide support for another book.

The more you can cycle back and forth between these types of reading, the better. For the most part, you’ll want to start with some inspectional reading. Get the lay of the land of what you’re reading — and if it will even be worth your time. If it’s a book, read the table of contents, perhaps the introduction or preface (if it includes an outline of the book), and skim through the beginnings of the chapters. If it’s a long article or essay, look at the introduction and headings to get a feel for the structure. See what you’re in for, and if the work looks engaging.

Sometimes, elementary reading makes sense. If a book is telling some good stories, or the style is really enlightening, that can help you get more engaged, curious, and excited about the material. This can often lead to analytical reading — where you’re going through things more deeply.

The point is that using different kinds or modes of reading will help keep reading from becoming stale, and help you get more out of what you read. You can learn much more, and stay much more engaged if you use different kinds of reading as the material (and your energy level) calls for it.

Part 4: Embrace the Idea of the Anti-Library

Author and philosopher Umberto Eco is famous (infamous?) for having what Nassim Nicholas Taleb referred to as an “anti-library”. Essentially, it’s a large library containing mostly unread books — far more unread than read. He explains:

Read books are far less valuable than unread ones. The library should contain as much of what you do not know as your financial means, mortgage rates, and the currently tight real-estate market allows you to put there. You will accumulate more knowledge and more books as you grow older, and the growing number of unread books on the shelves will look at you menacingly. Indeed, the more you know, the larger the rows of unread books. Let us call this collection of unread books an anti-library.

I have an anti-library. I have many books that I acquired (mostly during graduate study), but didn’t sit down and read. However, I have used most of them — from time to time — as a lily pad. I jump from one book to another, following not the sequence of the chapters of any one book, but the path of and connections between ideas in them. I’m chasing deeper understanding, so I have far less concern with a given book’s full material, and far more concern with the connections that I find between the ideas in many of the books.

But you don’t need to buy a bunch of books to build an anti-library. The point of the anti-library is to surround yourself with reminders of what you don’t know, but might learn by simply picking up something new to read. You can just as easily do this by keeping a list of books or articles that you’d like to check out at some point. Then go to your local library (or use their online ebook/audiobook services — which most have) and check out some of them as you need to.

Aside from my physical half-read or unread books, I also have a long list of stuff that I’ll get to reading one day or another. And because I see the stuff on that list as opportunities, rather than tasks to complete, it excites me. It especially makes syntopical reading much easier, because I have resources to fold into my reading process.

Concluding Remarks: Going Beyond Reading

If you follow these 4 principles, you’ll find yourself not only reading more, but more importantly, learning more.

1. Remember your motivation: learning
2. Give yourself the freedom to jump around
3. Learn and use the 4 kinds of reading
4. Develop and maintain an anti-library

Following these principles, you will be reading more, but it won’t be the kind of reading that most people are talking about. The word “read” tends to have a connotation of sequential movement through a text in the way that the author has laid it out. But you don’t have to play the game that way.

Go beyond reading. Don’t just read, search. Search and connect. Follow the enthusiasm and interest that develops as you’re exposed to new ideas, points of view, names, places, and subjects. Don’ ever suppress the desire to pursue information outside the bounds of the book you’re reading. Put the book down, pause and follow your curiosity. The book won’t mind. It will be there later. Books are awfully good at sitting around and waiting; it’s kind of their thing.

Photo by Brett Sayles from Pexels

The most valuable skill in this turbulent business climate is the ability to lead — no matter your experience or title, and it comes from 5 simple habits

The landscape of business is changing rapidly. And so is the trajectory of many careers. Everything from changing business models, to remote working, to the burgeoning gig economy, are altering the traditional view of a career path. As such, it is increasingly important that you develop the skills that will separate you from everyone else, and ensure that you advance — no matter your chosen path.

While specific skills — like coding or statistical analysis — are important for specific career paths, their scope is narrow. And technological advancements have rendered many specific skills much less valuable than they once were.

But there is one skill that won’t be rendered less valuable any time soon. In fact, it seems like the many changes in the business world only serve to make this skill more valuable and in-demand each year — perhaps each day. That skill is leadership.

Leadership is for Everyone

Leadership is a universal skill — meaning that no matter what career or personal path you choose, being a good leader will help you more effectively navigate it.

And here’s the important thing: you don’t need to hold the title of a leader to practice great leadership. In fact, the best leaders practice leadership long before they’re given the title.

In fact, everyone, everywhere is in a position to potentially lead. Whether or not someone realizes and takes advantage of this fact is what separates people with unshakable potential from the rest of the pack.

Leadership is Everywhere

Opportunities to lead are pervasive, partly because leadership is the answer to a great many persistent questions.

Leadership is the answer to questions about how a family keeps going and becomes a loving, supportive sanctuary for its members. It’s the answer to how good parenting is done. It’s the answer to how a group of friends can keep up a thriving and supportive relationship. It’s the answer to how a company can grow from a handful of people to a thriving, consistently profitable business. It’s the answer to how an entire country of people with diverse goals and opinions can coexist peacefully.

Whatever the question — so long as it involves people — the answer is usually leadership.

But good leaders are not singular, charismatic, power-hungry type-A people. Leadership is not someone climbing on a proverbial soapbox and yelling to others what they think needs to be done. Leadership is not someone screaming at subordinates about how they need to work harder. People who call themselves leaders do that, but such things are not the makings of a good leader.

The 5 Habits of Great Leadership

In my time holding the title of leader — as well as my time without it — I have learned both how to lead and how not to lead. I haven’t perfected it — and I suspect it will be a while before I do. But I at least know what I’ve got to continue to do in order to get better.

I have come to learn that real leaders — whether they have the title or not — are actually good followers. They follow in 5 important ways.

Follow the Questions

The best leaders ask questions — a lot of them. Simple ones, sometimes stupid-sounding ones, but certainly many of them. Then they wait to hear the answers, and they listen to them with the intent of understanding — rather than becoming defensive or combative. Which — when done correctly — causes them to ask follow-up questions.

Asking good questions involves putting your ego to the side. You may want to jump in as people struggle to answer, but don’t. Let people craft their own answers. That’s part of following the questions. Ask the question, and let it go. See where it leads. Because questions do lead.

Questions should usually begin as open-ended, and asked in a way that makes people feel at ease and safe to answer candidly. If people don’t feel safe answering candidly, the feedback is useless; you’ll repeat the same mistakes over and over.

Continue asking questions even after it seems like you’ve gotten sufficient answers. Ask questions like “how do you feel about that?” or “what might we be missing?”. Get people thinking, and get yourself thinking. This is especially important for those leading “from below” — that is — without the official title of a leader.

Follow Your People

Great leaders must have faith in the people they’re working with. They must trust them. They must be willing to go to bat for them against detractors, and they must be willing to follow their people to the ends of the earth in their search for innovations and answers.

If that trust isn’t there, addressing that is priority #1.

That following needs to be collaborative, enthusiastic, and encouraging. If it is, it creates and cements strong bonds between leaders and the led. Those bonds ultimately outlast the stress created by up and down cycles. Those bonds become what the organization is, under all the other metrics, core values, and shared narratives.

Follow the Pulse

A great leader needs to know the people and to know how things are going and in what direction they are going. She needs to know the ups and downs in morale, the proud moments of the teams, and the hang-ups of those trying to push projects through.

Calamitous as it may sound at times, leaders tune in to the drumbeat of the organization — whether it’s in rhythm or not. And if it is not, leaders are the ones who dig in to find out why it isn’t — and more importantly — how they can help make it right.

That’s why leaders do the work of tuning into the pulse. They talk to people, get involved in various projects that often aren’t part of their official description. They listen to the pain and struggles, and look for places to provide comfort and aid. And they keep listening.

Follow the Vision

People will follow a leader if that leader has a clear vision. But vision is complex thing. It’s not simply having a crazy and disruptive idea; it’s seeing that idea clearly enough to get other people to connect with it. It’s feeling it in a way that makes others — as if by magic — feel it as well.

Vision is also the ability to include — as in, to include dissenting opinion. There are always dissenters. Not everyone sees the vision, and that’s okay. A leader understands and embraces this — and folds the dissenters in, knowing that they can bring value by checking the runaway power of groupthink.

And especially if you’re not a person with a leadership title, vision is the surest way to start testing your leadership ability. Having a vision for how something should work, and just getting started on it, is step one to becoming a leader. You get people to work with you, and believe in what you say.

When people believe in what you say, and you do what you say, they come to believe in you. They come to push hard for you. They come to follow you to the promised land.

Follow through — every time

A leader follows through on their promises. At the ground level, people must see the leader as the one person who does what they say they will — and when they fail, they candidly admit to it.

Perhaps this means promising much less — it probably always means that. But even if fewer promises are made — but are always kept — it builds credibility. In fact, simply making fewer promises tends to automatically make people more likely to believe you.

I once heard a veteran of my industry say that there are really only two things you need to focus on to have a great and fulfilling career: (1) Do your absolute best to keep every commitment you make and (2) make precious few, but extremely meaningful commitments.

It’s simple in theory, but infinitely difficult in practice. People want to be so many things to so many people. They want to take on more in order to advance. But that’s not the way. Focus on a few really meaningful commitments, and throw every ounce of yourself into them. You can still do other things, but they will be a bonus — because you will have kept all of the promises you made.

Leading Is Really Just Serving

In many respects, leadership is actually service in disguise. Leadership is actually the ability to effectively serve many others — often without them even knowing it. You’re never more powerful than when others are allowing you to serve them.

When you realize that service is where the real power is — and you hone that skill — leadership becomes a lifelong vocation. You may not always have the title of a leader, but if so long as you are being the best follower you can be, you’re well on your way to being an excellent leader — and as far as your career goes(and maybe even your life), not even the sky is the limit.

My introduction to intermittent fasting had nothing to do with weight loss, but it’s helped reshape both my body and mind

Photo by Stefan Vladimirov on Unsplash

What if you heard about a new method that promises to do things like enhance neuroplasticity, reduce inflammation, and reshape your physique by teaching your body to burn fat consistently?

What if getting all those benefits cost you nothing? In fact, what if it actually saved you some significant money and time?

Would you give that method a try?

This “new” (but not really new) thing I’m speaking of is intermittent fasting (aka time restricted feeding). It’s all over the internet right now, and it seems to fly in the face of the received wisdom that we either ought to eat 3 meals or 6 smaller meals per day.

IF/TRF: Trendy, But Not New

Humans have been practicing some form of intermittent fasting since we were hunter/gatherers thousands of years ago. But since the emergence of agriculture and industry, most of us left the notion of fasting behind, in favor of 3 meals per day.

I too have been eating at least 3 meals per day for the past 3 decades, and I never really questioned that model. But I also never really tried anything else. I always assumed that my brain and body needed a constant stream of fuel to operate optimally, and that 3 meals and snacks were the best way to do that. But I never bothered to ask if that was true.

As it turns out, we don’t really need 3 meals per day. So I’ve made a change. I eat just one meal a day (OMAD) — and it’s made all the difference.

Making the Change to OMAD

OMAD is a method of intermittent fasting that involves restricting your eating to a small window of time — normally no more than 4–6 hours. You skip breakfast and lunch. You drink only non-caloric beverages throughout the first part of the day(black coffee, unflavored tea, water) and then have a substantial dinner.

Of course, the healthier you can eat during that 4-hour window, the better, but it’s not necessary. Studies have shown that even a high-fat, high-sugar diet — when eaten strictly within a 4 to 6-hour window — curtails the tendency toward obesity. Insulin levels and insulin-sensitivity are reduced, meaning health risks are reduced as well.

My one-meal-a-day schedule is a follows:

• 5am: wake up and drink 12oz of water (with a pinch of salt in it) and 8-10oz of black coffee. Begin working.
• 6am — workout, pack my daughter’s lunch, wake her up, and get her ready for school, and put her on the bus.
• 8am — Back to work, keep drinking water.
• 4–5pm — Begin eating, usually dinner or some sort of protein source prior to full dinner. Eat pretty much as much as I can handle.
• 8-9pm — stop eating, have some herbal tea (no sweeteners).
• 10–11pm — go to sleep

I don’t always perfectly follow this schedule. Sometimes, at around 12 or 1pm, I’ll feel hungry or sluggish enough, that I know I just need to eat something. On those days I’ll have a small handful of almonds and a piece or two of jerky — something small and not dense with carbohydrates. That more than satiates my hunger.

How OMAD Helps Me

There are five main benefits that I’ve seen during my 3-month experiment eating one meal a day: gut rest, consistent energy levels, reduced inflammation, building a habit of delaying gratification, and a simplification of my diet.

Gut Rest

For many years, I’ve struggled with gastrointestinal issues — which have gotten worse recently. I tried different diets — vegetarian, pescatarian, vegan, high carb, low carb, paleo, you name it. Nothing really stopped the nagging bloating, gas, and overall bodily discomfort. I just dealt with it as it came, and was thankful when it didn’t.

With OMAD, I’ve been able to leverage the benefits of gut rest. The longer you fast, the more you give your gut time to rest. For me, this was a game-changer.

When I was eating normally (i.e., 3 or more meals per day), my main digestive issues began around lunch time, and got worse as the day went on. I was mostly fine after coffee and a moderate breakfast. Once I had lunch — unless it was very small — I tended to experience some level of gas and bloating.

Once I started going most of the day without eating, I found that when I did eat, I didn’t experience that kind of gas and bloating. Basically, what’s happening is gut rest. My digestive system isn’t being forced to do work every few hours, and because of that, it’s allowed to rest and reset.

The benefits of fasting on the digestive system and its (incredibly complex) microbiome are beginning to gain traction in the research. I continue to experience these daily — especially if the food I eat is healthier.

More Consistent Energy Levels and Focus Throughout the Day

The normal 3+ meal a day diet I’d eaten for over 35 years wasn’t providing me with consistent energy levels throughout the day. I was on a roller-coaster nearly every day. As a result, I’d turn to caffeine and sugar in large amounts to try to pick myself up at various times throughout the day.

Eating one meal each day has turned that energy roller-coaster into a relatively smooth and level ride.

Though at the outset of doing longer-period intermittent fasting (16+ hours/day), there can be periods of hunger pangs and lethargy — those pass quickly. The short periods of lethargy I did experience were qualitatively different than when I was consistently fed. I’d take them over that fed-belly lethargy any day.

After about a month, I’ve adjusted. From my 5am wakeup time to around 4 or 5pm when I begin eating — I’ve got a straight-line of energy throughout the day. And because I’m not constantly thinking about, getting, and consuming food and drink (aside from water), I’m remaining focused on what I need to be doing for most of the day.

Decision fatigue is real, and we can tend to experience it a lot as we deal with food and drink choices throughout the day. OMAD helps you avoid that as much as possible.

Reduced Inflammation

One pretty dramatic thing I experienced right away as I began this journey was a drastic reduction in the nagging pain and discomfort I felt. Since I hit my thirties, it seemed like there was always some sort of pain or discomfort each day.

My back, hips, and neck were the usual suspects. But I also had random headaches that would come on during the middle of the day. At some point, as it bugged me enough, I began to see that a lot of the pain and discomfort I was feeling came after I ate — especially after a meal and some snacks.

It’s no surprise, then, that since starting the one-meal-a-day protocol, the nagging discomfort, pains, and headaches have almost entirely subsided. Again, the research tends to bear out the effect of fasting on inflammation — specifically for periods of fasting at 12 or more hours per day.

Learning to Delay Gratification

The ability to delay gratification has long been heralded as an indicator of professional and personal success. Those who can forego immediate satisfaction in favor of benefits further down the road tend to do better. So the more practice you can get at delaying gratification, the more helpful it will be.

And what better arena to practice delaying gratification in than food — where the temptation is present every day? In fact, the experiment that kicked off the enthusiasm for delayed gratification is literally named after a food; it’s called the marshmallow experiment. Kids were presented with the choice of eating a marshmallow now, or waiting a few minutes, and getting 2 marshmallows. And the ones that held out for more later tended to be much better at achieving goals.

I have found that delaying the gratification of my meals until the end of the day has helped me exercise that muscle of willpower, and get used to delaying gratification in general. As a result, I’ve become more disciplined and patient in both my work and personal life.

Simplification

I’m a sucker for simplifying things, and I’m not alone. In this era of minimalism gaining wide traction, we’re beginning to see the appeal of doing way with the unnecessary and boiling things down to the simplest necessary elements. And what could be simpler than one meal a day?

OMAD is a simple approach. There’s no extensive meal prep for 3 meals and snacks. There’s no pile of Tupperware for packing healthy lunches and snacks. There’s no making fancy juices or smoothies. There’s no protein drinks, bars, or expensive shopping trips with a cart full of all sorts of ambitious ingredients for 21 or more meals per week.

There’s also no preoccupation throughout the day with food and drink. There’s no “I can’t wait until lunch” or “I’m just going to run out and get a latte or smoothie”. There’s no “how many calories are in this?” or “am I hitting my numbers to stay in ketosis?” The day can be spent tackling what needs to be done — with focus and energy — instead of being preoccupied with food and drink.

And for those looking to lose weight, this approach makes caloric restriction as simple as it gets. Because your window of eating is small, you are more likely to eat fewer calories. As a result, you’ll tend to hit your targets more reliably.

Since I began this journey, 2 people close to me have adopted it from just me mentioning it once. Both have lost 10+ pounds in the span of a month, with no alteration in the kinds of foods they eat — simply from restricting their eating to a 6 hour or less window each day, and no exercise to speak of.

Addressing Concerns

For many, the idea of fasting — especially only eating one meal a day — is so radical that it’s immediately concerning. But fear not. There is historical precedence for fasting, as well as documented health benefits. Below I address a few common concerns about fasting.

But don’t humans need to eat regularly?

Most of us have grown into adulthood thinking that we need to eat three meals per day —and possibly snacks in between. But that is a fairly new practice in the long timeline of human history.

For millennia, humans have been operating in various states of fasting as they went about their lives. In fact, once the body has been in a fasted state for about 12 hours (give or take — depending on the person), a “metabolic switch” is flipped. Whereas the body normally uses glucose (sugar) as the preferred fuel source, fasting induces the use of fatty acids instead (ketones).

Research continues to point toward various health benefits of getting into that fasted state. Everything from improvements in mood, energy levels, mental acuity, and better athletic performance have all been documented.

But Won’t I Lose Muscle?!

For those who do resistance training, or are simply worried about wasting away to a skeleton from fasting: I hear what you may be thinking. Won’t not eating for most of the day waste away my muscle mass? Won’t I look anorexic?

It may seem that way, but no.

I used to be a gym rat, and I ate (and drank) enough protein to feed a small village. I’d be slamming protein shakes right after workouts, and eating 6 or 8 meals/snacks each day. While I gained muscle during this process, I also kept a good layer of fat on me.

More importantly, I spent most of the day pretty uncomfortable. I had gas, bloating, terrible swings of both mood and energy. I had all sorts of bodily aches and pains that match the markers of inflammation you can read about in the research.

Sure, I may have been putting on some muscle, but at what cost?

As it turns out, the evidence seems to point toward fasting having, at worst, a neutral effect on muscle mass. So there shouldn’t be much to worry about there. Work out to your heart’s content, and eat your one meal each day to feed your body.

Won’t I Pass Out or Fall Asleep?

If you’re a reasonably healthy person — with no underlying health issues — your body can handle long periods without food. Like anything new, there will be an adjustment period. This is normal. But our ancestors going back tens of thousands of years would go days without eating, while also having to be alert enough to hunt and gather.

When your body uses fat for fuel (i.e., ketosis) rather than sugar from ingested food, it’s engaging in a process that it’s well prepared for. The process of ketosis is just as efficient for fueling body and brain, and has been fueling humans for millennia — especially hunter and gatherer ancestors, who had to be alert, focused, and strong in order to simply find food and survive.

Furthermore, there are all sorts of helpful processes that your body “turns on” when in a fasted state. The most hyped one is autophagy — which is a kind of cleanup process that your body does in a fasted state. It’s been linked to the prevention of all sorts of things — from malignancy to dementia.

Try it For Yourself

I’m not a doctor or health care professional, so take my recommendation with that in mind. But if you’re an otherwise healthy person, one meal a day is worth a shot.

Some people can do it right away with no problem. Others need to slowly build to it, by having a small lunch for a few days when they feel too hungry to go on.

But once you do it, and it becomes simply what you do each day, it’s hard to think about doing things any other way.

What you DO know can most definitely hurt you, or at least keep you from thinking of great ideas.

Photo by Jacalyn Beales on Unsplash

If you could snap your fingers and become an expert on something — anything — by tomorrow, would you? Most of us probably would.

It feels good to be the expert on something. People turn to you for answers. You become a “thought leader.” Your opinion is respected above most others’. You have the answers, and can solve problems that others can’t.

But is expertise all it’s cracked up to be? As it turns out, no — it’s not.

Expertise can actually be a barrier to creative problem-solving. Which means it can be a barrier to innovation and growth. The more you know, and the more experience you have, the harder it can be to come up with ideas to solve problems. It’s called the Einstellung Effect. And it was discovered in an interesting experiment.

Read on.

The Water Jug Experiment

In 1942, psychologist Abraham Luchins conducted an experiment to see how perceived expertise affects creative problem-solving. He found that if we solve a problem the same way a few times, we tend to keep doing it — even when it stops working.

What’s worse, our tendency to stick to one preferred way of solving a problem often blinds us to alternative simpler ways to solve it. Our expertise blinds us to better solutions. It also makes us give up more easily.

The Problem Set

Luchins presented 10 problems to participants. In each problem, they would have to figure out how to get a desired quantity of water using 3 jugs of different capacities.

The chart below lays out the problem set.

source: Luchins 1942

So in problem 1, we’re asked to see how to get 100 ounces of water, using only jugs of 12, 127, and 3 ounces respectively.

For the first 6 problems, nearly all participants used the same method: B-2C-A. So for problem 1 in the chart, start with 127 oz. in jug B, then pour some of that into jug C twice, which gives you 121 oz remaining in jug B. Then you fill up jug A, which leaves you with 100 oz in jug B. Done!

This formula is indeed the most efficient solution for versions 1–5 of the problem. But once you hit problems 6 through 10, things get a bit trickier.

You can use B-2C-A to solve problems 6 and 7, but there’s a simpler way. Take problem 6 for example. You’re trying to get 20 oz. You could easily do that by taking jug A (23 oz.) and filling up jug C (3 oz.). Boom, you’re done.

How Success Blinds Us

Most of the participants were so conditioned to using the formula they had been using in problems 1 through 5, they used it for problems 6 and 7.

Things get especially hairy in problem 8. For problem 8, formula B-2C-A doesn’t work. But guess what does: A-C. Participants who were using B-2C-A were overwhelmingly stumped by problem 8, and failed to solve it.

Here’s the crazy part: Participants who tried problem 6 first overwhelmingly solved problems 6–10, using the simplest solution (either A-C or A+C). Why? Because they didn’t learn to use formula B-2C-A. They didn’t develop expertise and a rigid way of problem-solving.

How the Einstellung Effect Blocks Creativity & Innovation

Luchins’s experiment is an illustration of something called the Einstellung Effect. It refers to the negative effect that experience has on problem-solving ability. The more we solve a problem one way, the more we cling to that way of doing things.

In only 5 rounds, the participants became so fixated on one mode of thinking, they kept using it even when it was much less efficient. What’s even worse, when that same mode of thinking proved completely ineffective, participants concluded that there was no solution. They gave up.

The more we cling to one preferred way of doing things, the more we shut out other options — even to the point of giving up when our preferred options don’t work.

The Einstellung Effect is essentially a problem of expertise. Being an expert at something can actually be a disadvantage. It can make you less likely to come up with effective solutions to problems.

We tend to value expertise because it means that someone has both experience and knowledge. So we tend to turn to experts to solve tough problems. But Luchins’s experiment shows us that expertise can actually make it more difficult to solve tough problems.

Expertise tends to produce rigid thinking — close-mindedness. Rigid thinking stifles creative thinking and innovation.

Functional Fixedness

There’s a problem related to the Einstellung Effect, called functional fixedness. It’s a mental block against using a tool in a new way, even when it would solve a persistent problem to do so.

As an example, for years, I became so used to using spreadsheets for tracking data and making calculations, that I never thought to use them for other things. At the same time, I was trying all sorts of productivity apps to better manage my projects. I spent literally years trying out various apps, but they all fell short.

One day, a mentor of mine told me to lay out my list of projects in a spreadsheet, and review it every day. It was so simple, but yet so effective. And I never thought to use a spreadsheet for that.

But that led to creating my GTD spreadsheet. Which led to an article that went viral. Which led to a course that now helps thousands of people organize their lives and become more productive (and provides me with a bit of passive income).

How to Overcome the Curse of Expertise

Both the Einstellung Effect and Functional Fixedness are persistent problems that can keep us from solving problems and coming up with creative new ideas. But you can overcome them. You just need to establish some better habits.

Below are a few habits to help stave off the curse of expertise.

Habit 1: Use Pattern Interrupts

A great way to stop the Einstellung Effect in its tracks is to use a pattern interrupt.

A pattern interrupt is anything that changes the way something is going, or in this case, how someone is thinking. There are many different flavors of pattern interrupt strategies, but what they have in common is breaking from the norm.

When you find yourself faced with a problem, and the Einstellung Effect and Functional Fixedness loom, try one of the following:

• stare off into space
• close your eyes and let your mind wander
• get up and walk around for a while
• “sleep on it” by leaving the problem for an extended period of time, and coming back to it later

When you come back to look at the problem again, you might find that you’re more open to other possible solutions.

Habit 2: Check Your Assumptions

In the water jug experiment, participants became stumped at problem 8 because they made a key assumption. They assumed that they solution would be the same as the one they had been using. That assumption blinded them to finding another way to try to solve the problem. And many participants gave up.

If you want to overcome this kind of blindness, you need to check your assumptions early on. You can do this by stopping to ask yourself two questions:

• what pervious problem are you assuming this problem is like?
• in what way is this problem different from that previous problem?

Focusing on how this problem is different should kick-start a different approach. You should begin looking elsewhere than your past experience. As a result, your proposed solutions should be a bit less biased toward your expertise.

Habit 3: Think of a Ridiculous Idea

A great way to shake yourself out of a fixed way of thinking is to come up with a ridiculous idea. That’s right; start by thinking of crazy stuff that seems like it’d never work.

When you’re facing a tough problem, force yourself to come up with a ridiculous idea that has no basis in your previous experience. Then spend some time thinking about how that idea could be a solution.

Don’t focus on trying to solve the problem, rather, focus on trying your best to see how this ridiculous solution could possibly solve the problem. As you see clear ways it would fail, take note of them.

What this does is force you to look at the different parts of the problem. When you think about something you would otherwise dismiss, you’ll likely have to approach the problem from a different angle. You’ll most likely start thinking about it differently.

Wrap-up: Beware of Expertise

Abraham Luchins showed something important with his water experiment. Our minds are subject to two dangerous cognitive biases: the Einstellung Effect and Functional Fixedness.

For all of the positive things about expert experience, it can also train us to stop being creative and innovative. Expertise can be more of a barrier than it is a helpful tool.

So should we all stop gaining experience and knowledge? No. But what we do need to do is stop leaning on our expertise. Past experience can be a good indicator to help us make sense of the present, but not always. Sometimes, it can actually make it more difficult for us to make sense of the present.

Using pattern interrupts, checking assumptions, and thinking of ridiculous ideas are three tools that can help you avoid the curse of expertise. So while you gain experience and knowledge in a given area, you can also avoid having it become a drawback.

A plan for those spontaneous pockets of time

Photo: ConvertKit/Unsplash

We tend to think about “productive time” in long, uninterrupted stretches, which is why we never seem to have much of it. But the key to good time management isn’t finding more time to work on the things that matter — rather, it’s about effectively using the chunks of time that already exist in your days.

The trick is to make yourself see time differently. For instance, the five minutes it takes to stand in line at the grocery store might not seem like a lot of time to you, so you might as well scroll through social media (or if you’re like me, go down a Wikipedia wormhole). But try this: Set a timer for five minutes and just stare at it, watching the seconds tick away. You’ll quickly see that it’s a substantial amount of time that you can fill with meaningful action.

The important thing is to make a plan for these chunks of time, so whenever you’re presented with them, you can get moving. Here are some great things you can do with two, five, 15, 30, or 60 minutes.

If you have two minutes, you can …

Read/answer/sort non-critical emails

In two minutes, you can sort or reply to a handful of emails or Slack messages that require only a quick response. (Perhaps this is the time to practice emailing like a CEO?)

Record ideas that have popped up throughout the day

For those familiar with David Allen’s Getting Things Done system, this would be like a mini mind-sweep. Get the stuff that’s been weighing on you out of your head and closer to being handled.

Send a funny or uplifting text

The strongest relationships are often built through tiny, consistent acts. Let a friend, colleague, or family member know you’re thinking about them by sending a hilarious meme or wishing them luck on their job interview.

Reach out to someone in the professional world who you’d like to get to know better

Adding someone on LinkedIn or sending someone a message on Facebook is a great way to start a professional relationship. I’ve seen simple, two-sentence emails evolve into business deals over time.

If you have five minutes, you can …

Reset your nervous system with a simple meditation

You’re probably aware of the benefits of a long meditation session. But it’s also incredibly grounding to just sit or stand where you are, and stop to breathe in a slow, deliberate manner. Doing this resets your nervous system and can help you feel more present. Here are some short breathing exercises to refresh, de-stress, or energize you.

Build momentum on a big project

By simply starting on a project, you create some excitement to keep at it later. Researchers call this the Zeigarnik Effect. When software users see a message like “You profile is 64% complete,” they are more likely to spend a few minutes on providing all missing details. Take five minutes to move your project past 0%.

Write a brief journal entry

Journaling has enormous benefits, but carving out time to do it — especially if it’s not already a habit — can be difficult. Luckily, just spending minutes recording what happened today, how you felt about it, and what you can do better tomorrow can go a long way.

Read an article that you “saved for later”

Why not chip at that backlog of stories on Medium, Pocket, or Facebook that you’re waiting to read when you have time?

If you have 15 minutes, you can …

Do an intense workout and shower

You don’t need equipment or special shoes. Simply do some exercises like push-ups, squats, jumping jacks, and planks. The Johnson & Johnson 7-minute workout app has some workouts that are really invigorating.

Do a “shitty first draft”

If you’ve been dying to write something — a short story, novel, article, or heartfelt note to a loved one — the trick is to just start. Do a shitty first draft, as Anne Lamott would call it. No overthinking, no deleting. Leave all the editing for later. The momentum you’ll get from 15 minutes of writing will be invigorating.

Call a loved one

We tend to forget the power of simply keeping up with people in our lives — be it colleagues, personal friends in our networks, or family members.

If you have 30 minutes …

Host a brainstorming session

Thirty minutes may just be the perfect brainstorming time block. It’s enough to create a train of thought sufficient for generating ideas, but not so long as to be daunting. Just don’t go in expecting good ideas right off the bat. In fact, give yourself a goal of coming up with five to 10 bad ideas before you even expect to think of some good ones. Record all the ideas as they come, good or bad, without judging their merit. At the end of the session, evaluate the ideas by giving them an A, B, C, or D grade based on how promising they look.

Make a plan for the following week

I’m a big believer in the practice of the weekly review. In 30 minutes, you can look back at your meetings and calls from the past week to capture any open loops and set goals for the following week. You can also review your big projects: What still needs to be done? Does anything need to be put on hold?

If you have an hour, you can …

Do an “errands batch”

Most errands and personal admin tasks can be batched together and knocked out within a 60-minute window, if you stay focused. Set a timer to do your expense report, go through your mail, pay your bills, make a dentist appointment, pull together your library books to return, and create an Instacart order.

Do some deep work

To really focus without distraction on a cognitively demanding task, you’ll need an hour. Spend the first 20 minutes or so repeating the fairly shallow thinking you’ve already done about the topic. Then use that momentum to push your thinking to a deeper level. It’s glorious to experience a “flow state,” but it takes time to get there.

Obviously, I’m not suggesting you use every single minute of your day to get things done. But if you re-examine those stray minutes and use them to take care of what needs taking care of, you’ll have more time left to relax, while not having to think about a thing.

Being more productive, relaxed, and physically healthy can be as easy as playing the numbers game — using 3 numbers as your guide.

Photo by Miftah Rafli Hidayat

How many times have you tried to change your habits, only to fall right back into the old ones?

You try new workouts, new apps, new routines. You read a self-help book, try to log and measure your results. You journal for 20 minutes, meditate for 30, spend time preparing healthy meals in order to lose weight. You absorb yourself in the minutiae of self-improvement. And in the end, the new routines don’t stick, and the improvements you made fade away.

For those of us looking for a simpler, more common-sense approach to living more productively and with much less stress— here’s a fairly simple solution. It’s three numbers — three percentages, to be exact: 80%, 40%, 10%.

The 80% number is for your diet. It will help you build a healthier relationship with food and with your body — and thus feeling better.

The 40% number is a reframe to help you push past roadblocks, plateaus, and self-doubt.

The 10% number kills two birds with one stone. It gets you managing your time more effectively, and as a result, helps relieve a lot of stress and anxiety.

80%: A Healthier Relationship With Food

Our relationship with food is broken.

We all need to eat, but dieting and food have become problematic — especially for those of us looking to improve our health. Dieting can be a veritable minefield of frustration and bad habits. Many of us eat too much, eat the wrong things, eat at the wrong times, or a combination of all three of those things.

Many of us have researched various diets or nutritional hacks in order to lose weight, avoid gaining weight, or simultaneously lose fat and gain lean muscle. Still, our relationship with eating tends to fill us with a sense of uneasiness.

Enter the Japanese philosophy of hara hachi bun me.

The idea is simple. You don’t count calories or eat only certain foods, but rather, you follow one simple rule: eat until you are about 80% full. That’s it.

Eating until you’re 80% full may seem a little difficult at first — especially if you’re used to cleaning your plate every time you eat. But if you dedicate yourself to it, you’ll find that two you end up paying more attention to how your stomach feels. You become more in tune with when you’re actually hungry, as opposed to when you’re bored, or looking for the comfort of food.

If you really pay attention to how you feel when you only eat to 80% capacity, you’ll notice that post-meal lethargy will mostly go away. Much of that fatigue after a work lunch, or dinner out comes from being overfull, and our bodies needing to shift into digesting mode.

For those looking to lose weight, the 80% rule can help you lose weight pretty simply. As you grow accustomed to eating to 80% fullness, that 80% slowly becomes your new “full”. So eating to 80% of your new full feeling can segue into eating less and less, until you’re only giving your body what it needs.

40%: Getting More Out of Yourself in Work and Life

Growth requires consistently pushing yourself. But in most circumstances, we can forget just how much we can push ourselves. As a result, we tend to miss opportunities for exceptional growth. Instead, we plateau or stagnate in our journey toward growth.

We’re told all the time to “break out of our comfort zone” in order to grow, but that alone is not very helpful advice. Luckily, ex-Navy SEAL, elite athlete, and author David Goggins has introduced us to the 40% rule — relayed here by Chris Myers:

The 40% rule is simple: When your mind is telling you that you’re done, that you’re exhausted, that you cannot possibly go any further, you’re only actually 40% done.

I don’t perceive this to be an exact science, but the idea is that we tend to vastly underestimate what we’re capable of. This is true physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Physically, we can usually endure much more than we tend to think we can. As long as you’re not in the kind of pain that is indicative of an injury, you can usually push past the discomfort or feeling that you want to quit — and into the realm of making your body (and mind) grow.

Mentally and emotionally, we often underestimate how strong and resilient we are. We tend to throw in the towel at the first sign of difficulties in thinking through a problem, or discomfort with our feelings. We shy away from hard conversations, or don’t dive into feelings that we don’t like. But if we remember the 40% rule, we can push ourselves to sit with that discomfort, and remember that we are strong enough to deal with it, and move past it.

You can test this as you try to work on difficult projects, as well. Set up a block of time, be it 30, 60, or even 90 minutes. Challenge yourself to work for the entire time. Note the points where you feel like giving up or allowing yourself to be distracted. When that happens, remind yourself that you’re only 40% spent; you have more gas the cognitive tank. Then keep working.

When you’re done with the time block, you’ll feel really good about yourself, and really energized. And even though you may have expended more effort than you normally would, you’ll actually feel energized to take on more. Funny how that works, right?

10%: Better Use of Your Time

They say time is money — and that we ought to be conscientious about how we spend both. That’s why it’s important to build in margins for both your time and your money — meaning you put some aside for what might come up later.

Most budgeting experts recommend you save 10% of your income each year as the foundation of your retirement. If you do that from a reasonably young age, and make even conservative investments, it should be enough to provide for a comfortable retirement. Ideally, you should prioritize saving that 10% first, and then budget whatever other spending around that 10%.

This same budgeting strategy works for time as well. If you schedule 10% of your time as “savings”, you build some buffer in your days and weeks — which will almost always come in handy. Thing always come up, and you’ll always find a place for that time to go.

Here’s how 10% of your time breaks down:

• each week has 168 hours, so 10% of that is 16.8 hours.
• If you only want to count waking hours per week: 168-(8x7)= 112. Assuming you get a luxurious 8 hours of sleep every day, that’s 112 waking hours remaining.
• 10% of your waking hours is 11.2 hours.

So if you want to be conservative, allow 11.2 hours of time as buffer time. Let’s round it down to 11.

The result of building this margin is — like with money — you have extra time that can help you deal with the inevitable things that “come up”. You won’t get stressed, time-crunched, or feel like you can’t get the urgent things done.

To be clear, that 11 hours needs to be unassigned time. You can’t fail to set aside time for things you know you’ll need to do during the week, and then take time from that 11 hours. That’s not truly buffer time.

This means that you have do a little prep work. You have to think of all the stuff you expect you’ll have to tackle this week, fit that in somewhere, push the rest out — and leave 11 hours open.

It might feel odd to have this much unspoken for time in your schedule, but don’t worry. Not only will it get filled up with stuff, but the stuff that ends up filling it might be the kind of spontaneous and cool stuff that turns into something great. Consider it life’s gift to you, for making time for magic — so to speak.

This will take upfront work, and the building of a habit of scheduling your weeks, but it is well worth it for the stress you save. But not as much time as you think. You can get away with spending 20 minutes just doing some rough estimations of what you’ll need to spend time on each week, and you’ll capture most of what needs to be captured.

And with 11 hours of buffer built into your week, you should feel poised to take on the unplanned or unexpected. And it will feel great.

Implementing 80/40/10 in Daily Life

Making this method work in daily life is as easy as remembering the numbers, and using them. No matter what productivity system, morning ritual, or daily practices you have, you can integrate these three simple practices into them.

• You’ve got 3 meals (give or take), so sit down to each one prepared to stop when you think you’re 80% full.
• Pick something you’re working on, or your workout that day, and remind yourself when you think you’re done, you’re only at 40% done.
• Set aside 10% your time as a buffer: It’s 11 hours per week, or 1.5 hours per day. Leave that time unassigned, to allow you the opportunity to take on anything.

I recommend checking in with yourself on these regularly. If you journal, reflect on how well you’ve adhered to this. Put the three numbers on a sticky note on your bathroom mirror — to see it every morning. However you do it, keep the numbers visible, and hold yourself accountable for sticking to them. They just might be the game-changers you’ve been looking for.

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