Dealing with a lockdown in uncertain times is challenging, but if you approach it in the right way, you can use it as an opportunity for lasting self-improvement
Depending on where you live, you may be in week 2 or week 10 of some kind of “shelter in place” order — which essentially means you need to stay at home unless going somewhere public is absolutely necessary. It may be this way for another month, or months. Nobody knows for sure. And it’s beginning to affect us all quite a bit.
It’s a potent mixture of cabin fever, hypochondria, and anxiety about the future.
Those of us with kids, they’re now more of a fixture at our homes than ever. More than that, we’re being told we must educate them, as well! Those of us with office jobs, we’re now managing the fun of every single meeting being a frustrating Skype or Zoom call. Some of us have been furloughed, laid off, or own a business that can’t re-open until….?
Any way you stack it, this is a uniquely crazy time.
So the question is — during these unprecedented times — how do we eke out an existence that we can be okay with? How can we essentially bring our entire lives indoors for…well, indefinitely? Can we do more than just stay sane? Can we, perhaps, use this weird circumstance to forge some personal growth?
I think, actually, we can. But we have to be nimble.
However You Feel, It’s Okay
The following paragraphs are simply some pieces of advice that I’ve found helpful during this time — from one reluctant homebody to another. They are what I suggest you do in order to remain in good spirits during challenging times. I can suggest things to do, but I can’t, and won’t suggest how you should feel. That’s not my place, nor is it anyone else’s.
To quote a reindeer from a recent film that you may find yourself watching during this mass quarantine: you feel what you feel, and those feelings are real. Don’t let yourself feel bad about feeling bad. Sadness, loneliness, grief, desperation, uncertainty — all of these feelings are okay to feel. Just be careful that you don’t let them dictate your actions. You can absolutely feel these heavy feelings, while still doing the next right thing for yourself.
Acknowledge your feelings — no matter how unwanted they are — and affirm to yourself that they are not who you are, and they need not dictate what you do. Remember that you can take action toward a goal, and not as a reaction to what you feel.
Feel — acknowledge — pause — breathe — then resolve to do something helpful for yourself or others.
And remember, if you’re locked down during this time with others, let them feel their feelings as well. We’re all going to process this weirdness in different ways. We need to allow each other to do that. But we also need to be there to listen to each other, and help each other process this. Listen, ask empathetic questions, and affirm that everyone’s feelings are valid — as we all work through a colorful array of them.
Adopt the Benigni Mindset
In the movie Life is Beautiful, the incomparable Roberto Benigni plays Guido Orefice, a Jewish bookshop owner in Italy who get sent to a concentration camp with his young son, Giosuè. Seeing that his very young son is initially scared, Guido explains to Giosuè that the camp is actually a complicated game in which he must perform the tasks Guido gives him. Each task is worth one point, and the first child with one thousand points wins a tank.
But if he cries, complains that he wants his mother, or says that he is hungry, he will lose points, while quiet boys who hide from the camp guards earn extra points. Giosuè is reluctant at times, but with his father’s insistence that they carry on, he does. I won’t spoil the ending, but the approach proved to be effective.
Adopting a similar approach might not be so crazy in our current situation.
To be clear, I’m not comparing sheltering in place to being in a concentration camp. That would be stupid. However, what I am saying is that like the young Giosuè, some of us are afraid or just unsettled — unsure what to do from day to day. And it is when we feel that way that the approach of Roberto Benigni’s character doesn’t seem too far out.
So, adopt a Benigni mindset. As much as possible, go on as you were before this dumpster fire happened. Don’t give into anxiety. Don’t treat this as different, grave, or serious within the confines of your own home. Accept the situation, but make what you can out of your new constraints. Like Guido, make it a game, get as many points as you can. Then get working on winning this thing.
Fake it Till You Make it…Out of This
Sponsors of recovering alcoholics and addicts have a saying: “fake it till you make it”. It means that even though you may feel like this new sober life is weird, and you feel like you’re heart’s not in it, and you don’t believe you’ll make it through — act like you know you can. Eventually, you will know you can. And you will.
Translate that to the current problem. Let’s say you got laid off. Don’t resort to spending the day in your pajamas, reading, and watching TV. Get up at the same time you did when you were working. Follow your normal morning routine. Then, where you normally had a block of work, insert a different productive activity.
Take one of the now free online courses (or 10!). Set out to learn a totally new skill that can get you a new job. While you’re at it, look for new jobs. Scour LinkedIn for folks you can connect with and chat about opportunities. Set up a list of people to email or call — just to check in. And treat it as work — meaning you sit down somewhere and focus on it and it alone. Take it seriously, and get it done.
Take breaks when you normally would. Do a lap around your place. Step outside for a few minutes to change your environment.
As much as possible, run your day like you would under normal circumstances. This alone will trick your mind into thinking that things are not so abnormal — and should reduce your stress a little.
The point is, in times like these, you may have to trick yourself into not spiraling into disarray, discouragement, and disengagement. Now, more than ever, we need to carry on as much as we can. We need to stay healthy — both physically, but perhaps more importantly, mentally and spiritually. We need to stay productive.
And there’s nothing more productive than working on yourself.
Get A Little Spiritual
Though you and yours might be safe from the raging pandemic, it’s unlikely that you won’t be touched in some way by its effects. The global economy, and all who play a part in it, will feel the effects of this thing for years to come. Many businesses will not recover, people will be forced to change careers, relocate, or build new lives altogether. For many, this is a time of existential upheaval.
Whatever your situation — be it a minor series of delays and setbacks or a full-fledged uprooting of your life as you know it — devote a little time to the deeper things. Get spiritual during this time of forced solitude.
Whatever your feelings about the terms spirituality, all I mean by it is an examination of and connection with your deeper values and purpose in life. They may rest upon an established path and practice. They may not. That is (and should remain) completely up to you.
But here is what is helpful about getting spiritual during these times. Spirituality is about getting out of your own head. It’s about moving beyond the moment-to-moment pleasure-seeking and self-pity that we all feel, and submitting to something greater. It is about pushing to be more than just today’s list of things to do or worry about. It’s about confirming and living for a purpose — whatever you deem that to be.
No matter your country, your ancestors used times of solitude in the centuries before you to cultivate spiritual depth in their lives. And each of their journeys looked a little different. Now is the time for you, too, to use that solitude to deepen and strengthen your sense of who you are — beyond the superficial things.
Don’t blast it out on social media, don’t make a big deal about it. Just explore what life beyond the superficial stuff means to you. Give it, at long last, the time it deserves. I could think of no better time to do that than right now.
Plan the First Thing You’ll Do When…
Many of us are saddened by the things we can’t do right now, and long for the days when we were free to do whatever. While your best bet is to focus on what you can do right now, it won’t hurt to build a little something to look forward to. Remember that like everything, this too shall pass — and think to yourself: what’s the first thing I want to do when it does?
Perhaps this whole thing has made you miss seeing your family in person. Perhaps you have a group of friends that used to get together for drinks, and you miss that. Perhaps you just miss going to a coffee shop and sitting at a table, people watching. Whatever it is, write it down on a sticky note and put it somewhere (perhaps a calendar — on a date in the future).
Whatever it is that you miss during this time of loneliness, write it down, and allow yourself to look forward to it. Don’t make it the center of your life right now. Don’t attach your well-being to it. Just allow it to be there as an added bonus to enjoy, once things start to build back to something like normality.
The bottom line is that there’s no operating manual for what we’re working through right now. We’re facing this generation’s version of widespread existential uncertainty. It is up to all of us to figure out how to process and work through it. That’s the work of being human.
As much as we are in this together, we’re also each on our own to make individual sense of our own journeys through this. As with anything else that confronts you in life, this will be what you make of it. Make this situation another set of ingredients for building a better rest of your life. Start now.