From time to time, I hear someone say that something was “meant to be”. More often than not, I hear it as it pertains to a relationship — that two people were meant to be together. For many people, that somehow seems to impart a higher status to a relationship, or people in it. But honestly, I have never understood that.
I have been in a few relationships — some short and exhilarating, one long and ultimately debilitating. I believe there was love there at times. But it did not last. And that brings me to why I don’t believe we should use the phrase “meant to be” — at least not as it pertains to relationships.
I am married, and have been for almost 7 years now. It’s awesome, and I am completely happy. But here’s the thing: it’s not a sweeping, fairy-tale, every day is passionate romance relationship. It’s a “this is a committed partnership that will stand the test of time because there is mutual respect and faith in one another” relationship. To me, that is way more romantic.
You see, the thing about a committed, respect-filled relationship between equals is that it takes work. It takes compromise, daily renewal of commitment, and the honest willingness to improve yourself for the sake of serving someone else. A wind-swept, passion-fueled obsession where the parties are bound by fate? I just don’t see how that’s better.
I don’t think we’re meant to be with anyone. And I think that makes every lasting relationship that much more special. The fact that no one is meant to be together, but that two people decide to put their all into one another — and to sustain that — to me, that’s inspiring. Two people who are just bound to be and stay together? I’m not impressed. Sorry. Maybe I’m just weird.
I believe in romance, in romantic gestures, and in passion. But I believe those things come not from outside — from whatever force makes it such that two people are supposedly meant for each other. I believe true romantic gestures, and passion through the years come from something built with care by two people. We build our relationships. We add on, maintain, and decorate them. When we understand them this way, we can take more pride in them.
I believe in romance, but it’s a more nuanced and mindful type of romance. It will never be as flashy as the fiction written about it, but that no longer bothers me.
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