Of Tempo, Timing, self-knowledge, and listening to feedback
I love the power of a good question. A good, simple question can refresh stale thinking and change how you view yourself. It can get your mind back on track, and out of a rut.
Here’s a good one, which I lifted from a very tense scene in the movie Whiplash. The fanatical perfectionist teacher, Terence Fletcher, has the band play the jazz song “Whiplash” — giving new drummer Andrew Neiman a shot at showing his stuff.
Initially, Fletcher stops Andrew a few times — letting him know that he didn’t quite have the right tempo. After a few times, he seems satisfied and walks to the other side of the room without stopping the band. But then out of nowhere, he hurls a chair at Andrew — who ducks just in time.
It’s clear that Andrew wasn’t playing right. Fletcher asks him were you rushing or were you dragging?
Andrew doesn’t seem to know the answer. So Fletcher asks him to play again, only to begin slapping his face in the song’s rhythm. He asks (of his slapping) “there — was I rushing or was I dragging?”
Andrew sheepishly answers “rushing.” To which Fletcher angrily yells “So you DO know the difference!”
As we watch Andrew’s abuse and utter humiliation unfold at the hands of the unhinged Fletcher — we’re left to feel increasingly uneasy and sorry for Andrew. But we’re also left to feel increasingly uncertain. Does he really know whether he wash rushing or dragging?
And not to belittle Andrew’s painful situation, but another thing we’re left feeling uneasy about is our own lack of insight into what we’re doing wrong in our lives at any given moment. We recognize, in Andrew, our own strong desire to do things right, but also our crippling fear of doing them wrong — and on top of that, the pain of not knowing what we’re wrong.
That’s left me to ask myself a simple question lately: am I rushing, or am I dragging — and do I even know the difference?
It’s Not Tempo, but Timing
It’s not how fast or slow you’re going that makes for bad playing. You can be playing at the same tempo as everyone else, but simply be off the beat. So it’s not your tempo, but rather your timing. You have to know when to do things, as opposed to how much you should be doing, and how quickly.
The reason why it’s so difficult to tell whether we’re rushing or dragging is because, like a wayward drumming student, we can easily lose our point of reference. We know we’re supposed to be playing a song. We know the rhythm. But at some point, we begin feeling…off. Or someone else pointed out that we seem off.
In response, we may have either put the pedal to the metal to catch up, or slowed way down and taken everything off of our plate to try to make sense of everything. Either choice is usually an act of overcompensation.
When we shift to either extreme in response to our timing being off, we make the fatal mistake of thinking that we can fix our problems by adjusting our tempo. But the problem isn’t tempo. It’s not that we’re playing too fast or too slow. It’s just that our timing is off. We simply have to match our action to what the song is telling us. To do that, we have to listen and make adjustments. We need feedback.
Listening and Feedback
The reason why it often seems so hard to figure out what we’re doing wrong is that it’s hard to find and process feedback. We become afraid that stopping to listen and taking a beat to adjust will result in being left behind. Or we slow down way too much and don’t even bother to try to listen to where we can hop back in. We let our ego take the wheel — the ego that believes we got this, and we can figure it out on our own.
But if we take a few beats and listen, we can understand where we need to be. We just need to listen to the right part of the band. A great way to do this is to talk to someone you trust or admire. Get their assessment of how things are going. Fill them in on where you’re at. They can help you hear the rhythm. It doesn’t have to be formal, and in many cases, it’s better if it’s not. Just “bouncing something off” someone on a quick call is all you need.
When you do get back in the right tempo, you’ll feel it. You’re able to think, make decisions, and feel more proactive. But you don’t feel like you’re going way too fast and not paying enough attention. You’re in that sweet spot again — between rushing and dragging. But it takes listening to get there. Listen to the song you’re trying to play. Listen to the instruments around you — aside from just what you’re trying to play. Look to others you trust and follow them when you’re lost.
But most of all, don’t be afraid to take a beat, listen, and jump back in when you’re ready — when you hear what’s going on. Don’t play just to play — just to feel like you’re taking action. Find more than the tempo; find the timing as well. And jump back in when it’s time to do so.